Concealed or Revealed?

It is necessary, among other conditions, for a woman’s clothing to cover her entire body and hair (with the exception of her hands till her wrists and feet) before non-mahram men. Furthermore, the clothing should neither be transparent, thus exposing the body, nor should it be tight-fitting, thus revealing the shape of the body and limbs.

Rasululah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) taught the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) to take these aspects very seriously and practically taught them to dress with hayaa and concealment.

Sayyiduna Dihyah Kalbi (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) narrates, “Rasulullah once received some Egyptian cloths as a gift. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) then took one of the cloths and gave it to me saying, ‘Cut it in half. Make a kurta with one half, and give the other half to your wife so that she can wear it as a scarf.’ Then, as Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) turned to leave, he said, ‘Instruct your wife to place a cloth beneath the scarf so that her hair is not revealed (due to the thinness of the cloth).’” (Sunan Abi Dawood #4116)

Similarly, on one occasion, Sayyidah Asmaa (radhiyallahu ‘anha), the respected sister of Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha), entered the home wearing a thin garment. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) immediately turned away from her and corrected her, explaining to her that she should not wear such thin clothing as it was insufficient in concealing her body. (Sunan Abi Dawood #4104)

This lesson of hayaa in clothing, taught by Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), was so deeply entrenched in the heart of Sayyidah Asmaa (radhiyallahu ‘anha) that she remained particular regarding hayaa in her dressing until the end of her life.

Hence, when she reached old age, her son, Munzir bin Zubair (rahimahullah), after returning from Iraq, sent her a cloth of very fine and superior quality as a gift. She had lost her sight, and so held the fabric in her hand, feeling it carefully. Then she said, “Return the cloth to him.” When the cloth was returned to Munzir (rahimahullah), he felt hurt (as his beloved mother had returned his gift) and said to her, “O my beloved mother! The cloth is not transparent (so it is fine for you to wear)!” Sayyidah Asmaa (radhiyallahu ‘anha) replied, “It may not be transparent, but it will still reveal the shape of the body (due to it being tight-fitting).” Understanding the reason for his mother’s disapproval, he thereafter bought her common garments. She happily accepted them saying, “It is these types of garments that you should give me to wear.” (Tabaqaat Ibni Sa’d vol. 8, pg. 252)

If Sayyidah Asmaa (radhiyallahu ‘anha) was extremely particular regarding hayaa and purdah, then her sister, Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha), the mother of the believers, was also very particular and strict in this regard. Hence, it is reported that on one occasion, the niece of Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha), Hafsah bintu ‘Abdir Rahmaan (rahimahallah), entered the home of Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) wearing a scarf that was thin (and thus revealed the hair). On seeing this, Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) took the thin scarf, tore it, and gave Hafsah (rahimahallah) a thick scarf to wear. (Muwatta Maalik #3383)

Perhaps one of the most amazing and inspirational incidents in this regard is that of Sayyidah Ummu Khallaad (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma). Her son, Sayyiduna Kallaad (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) was martyred during the battle against the Banu Quraizah tribe of the Jews, due to a woman throwing a rock on him from a hill. So Sayyidah Ummu Khallaad (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) came to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) to enquire about her son’s status and reward in the Hereafter. However, despite the circumstance being one of grief and sorrow, she was not unmindful of her modesty, and thus concealed her face with the niqaab (purdah) before coming to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Noticing this, one Sahaabi was astonished at her not neglecting the covering of her face even in this emotional situation and remarked, “You have come to enquire about your son (who was martyred) yet you have still covered your face (in this tragic moment)?” She replied, “I may have lost my son, but I have not lost my modesty.” (Sunan Abi Dawood #2488 and Bazlul Majhood)

These are just a few incidents from the lives of the Sahaabiyaat (radhiyallahu ‘anhunna) which clearly highlight the importance they showed to hayaa and dressing correctly. We thus understand that this level of hayaa is the normal required level, expected of every Muslimah, and cannot be labeled as ‘extreme’ or ‘going overboard’, as this was the hayaa advocated by Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum).

Society today may “dress to kill”, but a Muslim should always “dress to conceal”.

Sayyidah Safiyyah r.a. (eBook)

Sayyidah Safiyyah r.a. (eBook)

Allah Ta‘ala has declared the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) as those who are truly worthy of being followed and taken as role models.

In order to acquaint the Muslim women of this age with the lives of the Sahaabiyyaat (radhiyallahu ‘anhunna) so that they may take guidance from their exemplary lives and choose these illustrious and pure women as their role models, Uswatul Muslimah (Role Models for the Muslimah) regularly conducts programmes on the lives of the Sahaabiyyaat (radhiyallahu ‘anhunna), highlighting pertinent lessons that are applicable to our daily lives.

This eBook is a transcript of the programme that was conducted on the pure life of our beloved mother, the honourable wife of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), Sayyidah Safiyyah (radhiyallahu ‘anha).

Download

An Address to Young Girls (Part 4)

Emulating the Elders​

“A Muslimah’s Guide to Living a Blissful Life” 

My dear daughters! Carefully observe your elders and learn intelligence from them. Strive to become like them and imbibe modesty, bashfulness, intelligence and wisdom. By doing this, you will attain success and prosperity in this world and the next. Furthermore, you will lead a life of respect, happiness and dignity.

Until good and bad examples are not placed before you and a comparison is made between them, you will not gain a true understanding. Similarly, until you are not given a complete description of how things were in the past, and the manner in which people of the past lived, interacted and socialized, and how they educated and raised their children, and until the mannerisms and ways of the young girls of those times is not clearly outlined before you, you will never understand and will not be able to instil those qualities within yourself that are in actual fact the essence of being a civilized human being. Likewise, you will be unable to correct your weaknesses (and improve your character). 

Do you know what priceless gems are lacking in your life, what beneficial qualities and aspects you remain deprived of and which virtues you are bereft of? No, you have no idea (of what you lack)! The reason for this is that you are absolutely inexperienced (and naive), and you have not enjoyed the good effects of anyone’s teaching and upbringing. So much so, that you cannot even determine whether your own parents are pleased with you or not.

An Address to Young Girls (Part 3)​

“A Muslimah’s Guide to Living a Blissful Life” 

Service and Obedience to Parents

- Serve your parents in an excellent and exemplary manner.

- Ensure that they are not inconvenienced at any time.

- When cooking for them, prepare the dishes that they enjoy eating and serve them their meals on time.

- When they tell you something then listen attentively and accept it wholeheartedly.

- If they are busy or engaged in some activity, then do not disturb them.

- If they have the habit of eating or drinking something at a particular time (e.g. tea or coffee), then prepare it for them and serve it to them at that time.

- Refrain from repeating the same thing to them over and over (e.g. nagging them).

- Pack their clothing away for them neatly and correctly. If they need to change their clothing (e.g. if it became messed), immediately bring them clean clothing. See to it that soap, towels, etc. are all available and ready to use.

- Keep their beds and their places (where they normally sit) clean and tidy.

- Do not ever become upset or frustrated with them.

- Remain present at their beck and call.

- If you do happen to become upset at some point, then do not glare at them (and ‘pull up’ your face). Always remember the difficulties and hardships that they underwent for your sake.

- Continue fulfilling their wishes through your homemaking skills (e.g. cooking, sewing, baking, etc).

- Never make them feel as if they are obliged and indebted to you.

- Fulfil your needs and complete your tasks on your own (without anyone helping you).

- Always keep certain basic and essential items on-hand, e.g. a notepad, pen, needle, thread, silk, etc.[1] If you have all these essential items kept in readiness, you may consider yourself as (organized and) capable, otherwise not.

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[1] NB: ‘Essential items’ may differ from place to place and era to era.

An Address to Young Girls (Part 2)​

“A Muslimah’s Guide to Living a Blissful Life” 

My dear daughters! I do realise that (even if you do not prepare yourself while in your parents’ home, then) the day will eventually come when you will have improved, acquired the skills that you need and learnt what you need to know. As time passes, your weaknesses will transform into skills, because you will learn from the difficulties that you underwent and the mistakes that you made. 

However, of what good will it be, when people who wished well for you and had aspirations in you would no longer be around? It is my aspiration that you begin, from now, acquiring all the qualities and skills that will shield you from the challenges and difficulties that you will face later on.

If you think that you ‘know it all’, and you will be able to deal with the demand of every occasion, then you are absolutely wrong and mistaken, even though you may have occasionally sewed yourself an outfit, or cut out the draft and design of a garment, or cooked a pot of food now and again, or embroidered on a kurta, topi or purse at some point, or you learnt to read the Quraan Majeed and a few kitaabs in some madrasah and then left, and let alone understanding the kitaabs – you did not even know what subject the kitaab was written on! Can this ever be regarded as capability, and can such a person be considered competent? If someone has to ask you a question, then you will be left speechless.

What is required of you is that when you need to perform some task, then regardless of how difficult, complicated or intricate the task may be, you must be able to accomplish it with complete ease and competence. You must neither require the assistance of people, nor should you be dependent and reliant on a domestic worker. It must not be such that you cannot complete your domestic work without burdening your elders or the men folk of the family to help you.  Instead, you must display such intelligence and energy in attending to your domestic work and tasks that even the men folk of your family will be impressed with you and marvel at your ability and efficiency.

Look after your children, raise them correctly and care for them well. When they are sick then nurse them to good health while also seeing to the running of the home and other domestic responsibilities. You should not become so engrossed in attending to one responsibility, that in the process you neglect a hundred other responsibilities. Instead, you should be mindful of all your responsibilities and show due attention to everything. You should also enquire and find out what is happening out of the home from time to time[1].

If you acquire all these qualities and skills, then even if you encounter an unfavourable situation, you will be able to turn it to your advantage. If something gets damaged, you will be able to apply your intelligence to find the solution and remedy it. You will know who your friends are, and you will similarly know who your enemies are. When you speak, then you will not utter anything that will put yourself into a problem or that will hurt others. You will completely avoid all fights, arguments and quarrels. You will find people all over welcoming you and receiving you with warmth and love. In fact, you will even win the hearts of your enemies and turn them into your friends. Nobody will have a chance or opportunity to complain about you.

On account of you behaving intelligently at all times, people will show love and affection for you. Thereafter, even if perchance you do something unintelligent, people will not regard it to be irrational, since the occasional foolish action of an intelligent person is overlooked. On the other hand, when a person is foolish, then even if he happens to do or say something intelligent, many people will still view his action or statement in the light of his foolishness. Furthermore, because a fool lacks intelligence, then he often causes problems where none existed. He turns his friends into enemies, whereas an intelligent person turns his enemies into his friends.

In order for you to correctly understand and practise on the advices that I have given you thus far, as well as the advices that I am still going to give you, it will be necessary for you to apply your mind and intelligence and ponder deeply over what I have mentioned. You must realize that every virtue of this world and the next can only be attained if you learn to think and reason correctly. Intelligence and hayaa (modesty and bashfulness) are two invaluable gems. This quality of hayaa is also such that it will save you from many wrongs.

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[1] This will refer to those things that concern us, relate to us and will benefit us. For example, we should know if any woman in our locality is sick so that we could visit her and help her, or if any person passed away, so that we can console them, or if any person is in need so that we can render them assistance, or if there is a Deeni programme taking place in the locality, we could attend it, etc.

An Address to Young Girls (Part 1)

“A Muslimah’s Guide to Living a Blissful Life” 

My Dearest Daughters'

Let me give you a picture of the life of comfort that you currently enjoy in your home as well as the life that you will be leading in future, when you will move into someone else’s home.

One day you will move out of your parents’ home and live in another person’s home. Although you conduct yourself and behave in a certain way in your parents’ home, you will be expected to conduct yourself and behave differently tomorrow when you are in someone else’s home. The conditions and situations that you face in your parents’ home are different, whereas the conditions and situations that you will encounter tomorrow will be entirely different.

Through the grace of Allah Ta‘ala, we currently live in the care of our parents. Hence, due to their care and protection, it is very difficult for any harm to afflict us. However, when we leave our parents’ care, who will be there to take care of us? Whenever we ‘pulled up’ our faces, behaved in a surly and sulky manner, displayed bad manners or an ill-temper, desired comfort and luxury and acted with laziness, refused to share something with others and showed selfishness, our parents overlooked our faults and did not expose us. Who will overlook our faults tomorrow, when we leave our parents’ home?  Why would others be prepared to tolerate and put up with our bad behaviour?

If you have understood this well, then while living a comfortable life under your parents’ roof, you will learn how to live correctly in their home, as well as how to conduct yourself tomorrow when you will move into someone else’s home. You will learn and identify those qualities and aspects which form the foundation of a happy and peaceful life.

My dear daughters! Listen attentively to what I am going to tell you! If you want to live a comfortable, enjoyable and happy life, then accept the advices that I am going to give you and ensure that you practise upon them. If you do so, your entire life will be one of happiness.

I am first going to tell you how to live and conduct yourself in your parents’ home in such a way that your parents’ home will serve as a training ground for you, through which you will gain great experience (which you will require very much later on in life). I will thereafter tell you how to behave and conduct yourself in the home of your in-laws so that you will be well prepared and equipped for all that you may encounter.

If you learn these aspects correctly, you will remain safe from the harm of people. In fact, (you will win the hearts of people due to which) they will only want to give you ease and comfort. Your parents will then be pleased with you. When they see your excellent character, good qualities and the manner in which you conduct yourself, their hearts will brim with happiness and joy. Likewise, your husband will be pleased with you and will always treat you with kindness and sympathy. Let alone your husband, all your relatives and family members will be sympathetic towards you and will always be ready to assist you. You will acquire the excellent character that your elders possessed before you. When people see how organized and efficient you are, they will all be pleased. In this manner, people will hold you in high regard, honour you and treat you with respect.

The gist of what I am saying is that while you are in your parents’ home, you need to learn how to completely take charge of the home. If you have equipped yourself in this manner, then you will be taking those very same skills with you when you go to the home of your in-laws.

In this regard, you must realize that the very first thing which you will need to pay attention to on entering your new home after marriage is the household and domestic affairs. It is your capability and efficiency in this department that will be the gauge through which your in-laws will assess and judge you. They will view the cleanliness and hygiene of your home, the manner in which you entertain your guests, whether you display courtesy and good character when meeting and interacting with family and friends and whether you are accomplished and capable with your hands (i.e. in performing basic tasks that relate to your hands, such as cooking, baking, sewing etc.). It is for this reason that the most important skills which you will require are domestic skills and the skill of efficiently running a home. These skills are so important that if you do not acquire them, then it is as though you are completely incapable and cannot do anything at all.

Today (at your parents’ home), at least you have people who can teach you these skills and give you guidance. Tomorrow, there will be no one who will care for you. You will have to handle your own problems. If you do not prepare and equip yourself with the appropriate skills and qualities today, you won’t cope and manage with your responsibilities tomorrow, and if you do eventually cope, it will be through learning the ‘hard way’ and repeatedly ‘burning your fingers’. Carelessness will become your nature and will be entrenched in you. As a result of your carelessness and negligence, you will always suffer embarrassment in front of others. When this is the case, how will you ever gain respect and enjoy happiness?

(to be continued Insha-Allah)

Missing Ingredient to living your life?

Like a lot of folks these days, I’ve been groomed to push myself toward achievement in most areas of my life. It seems that, in the current culture, it’s no longer cleanliness that we deem closest to Godliness; it’s busy-ness. If our Google calendars aren’t a veritable rainbow of appointments and meetings, if we’re not constantly exhausted and worn down, we must be lazy or falling behind somewhere.

Not only is this constant push toward over-doing affecting adults, it’s clearly being transmitted to the next generation. When kids aren’t at school, they’re at a sport’s practice, a tutoring session, a club meeting, a study group gathering…Something

Of course, none of these things are negative on their own, but when they’re all taken together, it raises the question: where is the time to unwind? I’ve lost count of how many I work with who have wearily told me their pages-long weekly schedule. I once let my young one lay down for because she had a fever, but still had to get to a swimming lesson afterwards.

Savasana (or “rest,” or “that part where we lay down”) needs to be their favorite aspect. Yes, there are certainly members of the business crowd who tiptoe out when the lights go dim, but I’ve come to understand that for the lion’s share of working, savasana reigns supreme. And rightly so! I often joke, “When else does someone let you to lay down for 10 minutes?”

The thing is, if we let ourselves, we could do this at any time (okay, maybe not during a meeting or in the produce department). I think the key word here is “let.” When your teacher stands before you and tells you it’s time to rest, you have just been given permission to do so. You’re allowed. You are told that it is okay, in that moment, to simply be.

As my personal practice has evolved with study, experience, and age, I’ve come to fully embrace the extraordinary importance of giving myself that kind of permission. This brings me to the point of this piece: I want to empower everyone who reads this to grant themselves the time and space to step back, unwind, and let themselves be.

I want all of us to welcome the radical idea that living a full life and loving oneself means allowing that time to chill. Give yourself permission to stop taking calls and emails after work hours so you can sit outside and chat with family. Allow yourself to take time to rest after meals. Grant yourself the mental space to put aside a stressful situation and deal with it when you have the time and energy to process. You are allowed to skip the gym after a long day. It’s okay to say “no” to a project or a social engagement solely on the basis of not feeling like it. 

Forgo a utilitarian shower in the morning for a leisurely bath in the evening. Accept that, every once in awhile, you can let someone else do the cooking. Embrace the relaxed feeling of sitting to read or making tea first thing in the morning, before gazing into the light of your phone. Take a bike ride without anywhere to go. Unplug for an entire weekend so you can read a book cover to cover. Leave space in your agenda for doing nothing, and don’t feel guilty about it. We have such precious few moments on this earth, ask yourself if all of this time consuming chatter is serving your self or your purpose here.

If nothing else, I implore you to ask yourself: what is this lifestyle teaching your children, our children? From where I sit, it seems the lesson is that our value as people is directly tied to your obligations. Grace, humility, presence of mind—none of these matter if you’re not running yourself ragged. This notion has become so ingrained that we don’t even realize it’s happening.

Ask yourself, when is the last time you (or your child) had an entire weekend without commitments? When is the last time you took a nap, or a bath? These are important activities for nurturing the body, the mind, the spirit. It’s no secret how deeply healing mindfulness is. But is it even possible to be mindful when you’re living in a never-ending whirlwind of commitment?

So please dear reader, give yourself—and your children—permission to rest J

Not sure of the origin of this, however it was sent via e-mail from a very dear friend - AC 

Pregnancy resources for Muslim moms + FREE Printable (Re-blogged from Shahira)

Pregnancy resources for Muslim moms + FREE Printable Re-blogged from Shahira

This is the second blog post under Resources for Muslim moms. In this section, we talk about videos, courses, books and colouring booklet catering to the Muslim pregnant women.

Pregnancy is a life-changing and defining phase of one's life and as practising Muslim women, we should be aware of the Islamic rules and practices to be mindful of during this period of our life. Here I am sharing some of the resources that I have personally used and has helped me. Pregnancy is a mind-body connection, the more aware and mindful we are of it, the better outcomes we often have. Educating ourselves about not only the physical strength of the human body but also the resilient energy of the human mind will help us in having a positive experience.

Pregnancy resources for Muslim moms

1) Fiqh of Pregnancy and Newborns by Sheikh Omer Suleiman

I came across this pearl of information during my first pregnancy and it helped me immensely. These lectures explain in detail about all the rulings concerning pregnancy, birth control, abortions - when it is permissible and when it is not, bringing up a child with Ihsan and Iman, the high level a pregnant woman is considered, Aqeeqah, Tahneek and other newborn practices. This covers the entire dos and donts of what a pregnant woman should know and do.

The Ilmflix website where I first came across this seems to have been taken down but there are many YouTube videos of the same. This playlist has all the episodes.

2) Amani Birth - A centre of Birth and Learning

You might have heard of Amani birth books and classes through Facebook groups. I first came across this via a review shared on Sisters magazine

From the review -  It was the AMANI birth preparation CD and booklet that gave me a sense of direction. It guided me in a way that stayed true to my religious beliefs. It is short but very much to the point, and it uses Islamic references all the way through to help me understand that labour is something I could survive. The booklet is 32 pages long and is divided into neat sections. I particularly enjoyed reading the thoughtful note for fathers, advice for that initial breastfeed, and the section that is dedicated to relevant and much-needed supplications.

After interacting with an admin on the Amani Facebook page, they said the books are available in Qatar in Jarir bookstores or we can buy it online from their website. I haven't got time to explore Jarir yet! Hope to get a copy soon.

3) Inherent Birth Pregnancy colouring and affirmation books for Muslimahs

I came across this book when sis Haifa shared it on her Facebook page. I fell in love with this idea and concept especially since it caters to the Muslim women directly.

I recently came across the concept of Positive Affirmations and I know it has already changed my mindset. It is just reaffirming in your mind what your body is already capable of. So I am pretty glad to find an affirmation booklet with the Islamic theme. Want a free e-book titled - Positive Pregnancy Affirmation for Muslim Women - scroll below!

Colouring as I stated before -  COLOURING BOOKS reduces anxiety and creates focus thus relieving stress in a manner similar to meditation. Concentrating on colouring may facilitate the replacement of negative thoughts and images with pleasant ones. Colouring books can be used in daily activity and are a way to get away from technology, which some regard as beneficial to people’s health.

So hopefully this is an excellent resource for pregnant moms around.

4) Faithful birthing by Heileen Zein - Online Teachable courses

A course designed by a Muslimah Doula and childbirth coach for pregnant Muslimah around. The courses via teachable are geared to Muslim women and are from an Islamic perspective. The sister has compiled the video series to provide Muslimah sisters ease in gaining access to crucial information that would immensely help them in having a successful VBAC/Natural birth. There is another course that will help women heal from traumatic birth related experiences. It will include a video series and a workbook that will serve as a guide throughout the process of healing.

She also provides online birth and life coaching services that brings a real and positive transformation to the Muslim women community. She has an active Facebook group catering to support for Pregnant Muslimah - Faithful Birthing

5)Ina May Gaskin- Guide to childbirth

This is not a book with an Islamic theme. In all honesty, there are some uncensored photos. But this book is the most recommended reading material by childbirth educators around the world for women wanting a natural, intervention- free birth and those trying for a VBAC. I can understand why! Having just finished reading it, I am so totally enamoured after knowing the actual physical strength of a woman's body and I am sad I didn't know about this fact during my first pregnancy. It begins with positive birth stories and then explains in details about how labour is done in the Farm community, a community headed by Ina May. It talks about the mind-body connections, the effect medical intervention has on the body and labour and age-old techniques and practices used during labour in different cultures of the world. (I have always been curious in Surah Maryam Verse 25 why Allah commands Maryam AS to shake the palm tree - probably there is a reason for it - aids in the final stage of labour!)  If you are pregnant and want to have a natural birth or be informed about it, get hold of this book!

 POSITIVE PREGNANCY AFFIRMATION FOR MUSLIM WOMEN - FREE E-BOOK

 Are your pregnant? Do you want a list of positive pregnancy affirmations that help you direct your thoughts back to Allah and keep the positive energy flowing?

CLICK HERE FOR A FREE PRINTABLE!