A Unique Nikaah (Pious Woman) ~ Part Three

The Loyalty of Love (Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah radhiyallahu ‘anha – Part Three) In the 6th year A.H. the treaty of Hudaibiyah was formed between the Muslims and the disbelievers of Makkah Mukarramah. When the treaty was formed, other tribes were also allowed to enter the treaty by becoming allies of either the Muslims or the disbelievers. Hence, the Banu Bakr tribe aligned themselves with the Quraish, while the Banu Khuzaa‘ah became the allies of the Muslims. These two tribes had a long history of mutual bloodshed and fighting which finally seemed to cease with the inception of the treaty. Hence, the Banu Khuzaa‘ah were under the impression that they were now safe and at peace. However, the Banu Bakr and Quraish used this impression to their advantage, seeking to eradicate the Banu Khuzaa‘ah once and for all. They thus attacked the Banu Khuzaa‘ah at the dead of night and massacred a large number of their people. As the Banu Khuzaa‘ah were the allies of the Muslims, they wasted not a moment in sending a delegation to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) in Madeenah Munawwarah, requesting his assistance. In the meantime, the Quraish regretted their folly and realized that by attacking the Banu Khuzaa‘ah, they had broken the treaty. Hoping to renew the treaty, they sent Abu Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), who had not yet accepted Islam, to Madeenah Munawwarah. When Abu Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) entered Madeenah Munawwarah, he came to the home of his daughter, Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). Seeing her father, she immediately took the bedding of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and folded it, not allowing her father to sit on it. Noticing this, Abu Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) asked her, “O my daughter! Did you fold the bedding because it is not good enough for me, or because I am not good enough to sit on the bedding?” Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) replied, “It is the bedding of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and you are an impure disbeliever. Therefore, I do not want you to sit on the bedding of the Rasul of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam).” Hearing this response from his daughter, Abu Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) exclaimed, “By Allah! O my daughter, evil has afflicted you after me (i.e. after you left me and accepted Islam)!” Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) answered, “No! Rather, Allah Ta‘ala guided me to Islam. O my father, you are the leader and senior of the Quraish. (Hence, when you are a person of such intelligence,) then how is it that it has not yet occurred to you to accept Islam, and you are still worshipping stones that can neither hear nor see?” When Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) said this, Abu Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) stood and left. (References: Tabaqaat Ibni Sa’d vol. 8, pg. 99, Sharhuz Zarqaani ‘alal Mawaahib vol. 3, pg. 385 and Seeratul Mustafaa (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) vol. 3, pg. 1-6) Lesson: This incident sufficiently highlights the love for Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and loyalty to him, which did not merely burn but rather consumed the heart of Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). It was on account of this same love that she could not tolerate her own father, Abu Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), sitting on the blessed bedding of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) while he was in the state of disbelief and spiritual impurity. Today, the Ummah does not lack information regarding the sunnah of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). What we lack, however, is that love for Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) which will compel a person to uphold the sunnah and lead his life in a manner that will please Allah Ta‘ala and His Rasul (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) at all times. Once this extent of love – which is an integral part of one’s imaan – is acquired, it will be inconceivable for one to abandon any sunnah. For such a person, the words “It’s sunnah” will translate to “I need to do it” rather than “That means I can leave it out”. Furthermore, this love will not allow one to remain idle while the sunnah of the Beloved (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) is being trampled underfoot. Instead, one will do his utmost to revive every sunnah in his own life and the lives of Muslims.

A Unique Nikaah (Pious Woman) ~ Part Two

(Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah radhiyallahu ‘anha – Part Two) Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) was initially married to ‘Ubaidullah bin Jahsh, and it was from this union that her daughter, Habeebah, was born. ‘Ubaidullah bin Jahsh was a Muslim at the time, and he migrated to Abyssinia with Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) in order to escape the ruthless persecution of the Quraish. One night, Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) had a dream in which she saw her husband, ‘Ubaidullah bin Jahsh, in the most evil and terrible of conditions. When she awoke, she was perturbed and realized that the dream was indicative of her husband’s condition having changed for the worse. As she suspected, the very next morning, her husband announced, “O Ummu Habeebah! I had previously examined the different religions, and I had found no religion better than Christianity to which I subscribed and adhered. Thereafter, I left Christianity and followed the religion of Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Now, I am returning to Christianity.” Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) attempted to stop him and save his imaan. She thus told him that leaving Islam would hold no good for him, and even told him of the dream that she had seen, depicting his distressful and lamentable condition. However, he paid no attention to her and left the fold of Islam, passing the remainder of his days drinking wine until he passed away. Sometime thereafter, Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) saw a dream in which she heard someone address her with the title “O Mother of the Believers”. She awoke with a shock, and understood that since it is the blessed wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) who are the Mothers of the Believers, perhaps Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) intended marrying her. As soon as her ‘iddat terminated, a messenger of Najaashi (rahimahullah), the King of Abyssinia, arrived at her door and sought permission to enter. On opening the door, she found that it was the slave girl of Najaashi (rahimahullah), who was in charge of his clothing and perfume. The name of this slave girl was Abrahah (rahimahallah). When Abrahah (rahimahallah) entered, she said, “The King conveys the message to you that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) has written to him, instructing him to marry you to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam).” Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) was delighted and exclaimed, “May Allah Ta‘ala give you glad tidings (as well)!” Abrahah (rahimahallah) then said, “The King has requested that you appoint someone to represent you at the nikaah.” Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) thus appointed Khaalid bin Sa‘eed (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) as her representative. Then, out of joy, she gave Abrahah (rahimahallah), the messenger who had delivered the glad tidings, two silver bangles, two anklets that she had been wearing and a few silver toe rings as well. That evening, Najaashi (rahimahullah) called Ja’far bin Abi Taalib (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) and the other Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) who were present to attend the nikaah. When they arrived, Najaashi (rahimahullah) delivered a khutbah (sermon) and thereafter said, “Indeed Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) sent me a letter instructing me to perform his nikaah to Ummu Habeebah bintu Abi Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma). I have thus fulfilled the instruction of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), and I have given her four hundred dinaars (gold coins) as mahr (dowry).” Saying this, Najaashi (rahimahullah) placed the dinaars before them.   Khaalid bin Sa‘eed (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) thereafter delivered a khutbah (sermon) after which he said, “I have fulfilled the command of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and I have made Ummu Habeebah bintu Abi Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) over into his nikaah. May Allah Ta‘ala bless Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) in this nikaah.” Thereafter, the mahr was handed to Khaalid bin Sa‘eed (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) who received them on behalf of Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). Afterwards, when the mahr was handed to Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha), she called for Abrahah (rahimahallah), the slave girl of Najaashi (rahimahullah) who had delivered the glad tidings to her. When Abrahah (rahimahallah) arrived, she said to her, “When you delivered the glad tidings to me, I gave you certain items, and I had no wealth with me at the time (i.e. I gave you whatever I was able to. If I possessed more wealth, I would have given it to you. Now that this wealth has arrived,) this is fifty mithqaal (218.7g of gold). Take it and use it for your needs.” However, Abrahah (rahimahallah) refused to accept the wealth. Furthermore, she produced a bag containing all the gifts that Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) had given her and returned it saying, “The King has instructed me to abstain from taking anything that belongs to you. I am in charge of his clothing and perfume, and I have followed the Deen of Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and accepted Islam for the pleasure of Allah Ta‘ala. The King has instructed his wives to send all the perfume that they possess to you.”The following day, the wives of Najaashi (rahimahullah) presented ‘oud, ‘ambar and many other perfumes to her. Abrahah (rahimahallah) then said, “I have a request. My request is for you to convey my salaam to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and inform him that I have followed his Deen.” Abrahah (rahimahallah) would always treat Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) with special kindness, and whenever she would visit her, she would remind her, “Do not forget my request.” After Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) left Abyssinia and was united with Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), she narrated to him the manner in which her proposal was delivered and nikaah was performed, and the kindness that Abrahah (rahimahallah) had shown her. She also conveyed the salaam of Abrahah (rahimahallah) to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Hearing this, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) smiled and replied to her salaam. (Tabaqaat Ibni Sa’d vol. 8, pgs. 96 & 97)      Lessons: 1. No person should take his imaan for granted. Rather, we should all express appreciation to Allah Ta‘ala for this invaluable blessing, and beg Him to allow us to leave this world with imaan. 2. Each spouse should be concerned for the Deen of the next. Thus, the husband and wife should encourage and motivate each other towards works of righteousness and piety while restraining one another from sin.However, if one spouse falls into sin and evil habits, the other should not view it as a convenient excuse to join in as well. Rather, as each person will have to bear his own burden on the Day of Qiyaamah, and blaming the next person will not absolve one of his own guilt, everyone should remain firm and safeguard his imaan and Deen. 3. It is a teaching of Deen that we should give a gift to the person who delivers glad tidings to us. 4. Najaashi (rahimahullah) had such love and respect for Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and the respected wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), that he gave Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) a very substantial amount of gold as mahr from his own wealth. Furthermore, he instructed his own wives to give all their perfume to her, and did not allow his slave girl, Abrahah (rahimahallah), to take anything from Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). We should similarly cultivate the love for Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and his blessed family, by making du‘aa for them, speaking of them with love and respect and holding them in the highest esteem. 5. The only desire that Abrahah (rahimahallah) had was that her salaam and news of her imaan be conveyed to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), so that he could be pleased with her and respond to her salaam. Our deeds are presented to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) regularly. We need to ask ourselves, “Will he be pleased with our deeds? Or will he be hurt and feel disappointed when he sees our condition?”Similarly, we all have the ability of securing the salaam of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Whenever we recite durood upon Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) from afar, it is conveyed to him by an angel, after which he responds with salaam. Hence, we should endeavor to recite as much durood as possible.

A Unique Nikaah (Pious Women) ~ Part One

(Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah radhiyallahu ‘anha – Part One) Which of the blessed wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was closest to him, yet also the furthest from him, at the time of their marriage? Which of the blessed wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was given the most mahr (dowry), yet Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) did not give her anything as dowry? The answer to both of the above questions is: Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) married her while she was in Abyssinia, having migrated there to escape the persecution of the Quraish. She was thus the wife of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) who was the furthest from him at the time of their marriage. However, from all the respected wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), she is the most closely related to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) in lineage. She was given the most mahr of all the noble wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), as her mahr was four hundred dinaars (gold coins). However, Najaashi (rahimahullah), the king of Abyssinia, had given her this amount from his own wealth, on behalf of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Hence, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) did not personally give her the mahr. Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) is the daughter of Abu Sufyaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), sister of Mu‘aawiyah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) and first cousin of ‘Uthmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu). She was seventeen years old when Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was blessed with nubuwwah (prophethood) by Allah Ta‘ala, and she accepted Islam during its initial period in Makkah Mukarramah. There is a difference of opinion regarding the name of Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). While some ‘Ulama have mentioned her name to be Hind, the preferred view is that her name was ‘Ramlah’. She was given the kunyah (filial title) ‘Ummu Habeebah’ after the birth of her daughter, Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). Insha-Allah, over the next few weeks, we will discuss a few lesson-filled incidents from the life of our beloved mother, Sayyidah Ummu Habeebah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). (Reference: Siyaru Aa’laamin Nubalaa vol. 2, pg. 219, Tabaqaat Ibni Sa’d vol. 8, pg. 96, Al-Isaabah vol. 8, pg. 140, Usdul Ghaabah vol. 5, pg. 287 and Al-Istee‘aab vol. 4, pg. 401) (to be continued insha-Allah)

Pious women

As Salaamu Alaikum Dear Read,

I came across these articles and found valuable lessons therein.

http://uswatulmuslimah.co.za/articles/pious-women.html

Take time to read and gain some valuable insight into the ideal life of a Muslimah.

May Allah allow us to emulate these pious ladies, Aameen

Womentrepreneur: The Longest Arm

Womentrepreneur: The Longest Arm

 

All over the world, women engage in handicrafts, an activity that preserves aspects of different cultures and heritages as well as being a source of income in a global economy where women often suffer the brunt of poverty. Some women enjoy great success and move on to build companies based both within and outside of their homes –earning themselves the title of “womentrepreneurs.”

Umm al-Mu’mineen Zaynab bint Jahsh (radhiAllahu ‘anha) was one such woman: she was known to be skilled with her hands, and ran a successful home-based business making and selling crafts.

Zaynab is most well-known due to the story surrounding her marriage to RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) after her divorce from his freed-slave and adopted son, Zaid ibn Harith.

She used to spend a great deal of time with her home-based business, and it is said that she was extremely skilled in both tanning skins and piercing pearls for jewelry and other adornments. She then donated the proceeds of her work to those in need, making her beloved amongst the poor.

One day, RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) went to his wives and said:

“The fastest of you to follow me [after death] will be the one who has the longer arms.” (Sahih Muslim)

A’ishah bint Abi Bakr (radhiAllahu ‘anha) described how, eager to know which of them it would be, all the wives of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) measured each others' arms against a wall, and Zaynab was disappointed - she was more petite in comparison to the other wives, and so her arms were the shortest.

Yet after the death of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), the true meaning of his prophecy became clear: it was Zaynab bint Jahsh who indeed had 'the longest arm' - and it was she who passed away in the year 20 AH.

There are many Muslim women who love doing arts and crafts, but are made to feel guilty that they're "wasting their time" or that “it’s just a hobby.” The truth is, just doing what you enjoy doing can be a wonderful way of gaining ajr (reward) and, in fact, turning it into a source of sadaqah jaariyah (continuous charity).

RasulAllah (sallAllahu‘alayhi wa sallam) said, "The most beloved action to Allah is the most continuous, even if little." (Muslim)

Entrepreneurship can most certainly be a method of making, selling, and giving in charity regularly, thereby earning us the love of Allah through something that we love doing as well.

In addition, some studies have found that engaging in creative activity contributes to higher levels of happiness

– which, for Muslims, can feed into a positive cycle of sharing that joy with others in the form of a smile, closer emotional bonds with our loved ones, and higher levels of Emaan and Taqwah… all of which are ways of increasing in reward and growing closer to Al-Musawwir, the Shaper of all creation.

Islamic history is also a testament to the power of the arts; pottery, metal-work, clothing, and many other such artifacts remain symbols of Islam’s influence and reach throughout the world. Undoubtedly, Muslim women were of those who fashioned such items and left behind an incredible legacy for us to witness and remember.

Muslim women today are just as creative and hardworking as the women of yesteryear, and entrepreneurship remains an option for them to not only engage the senses and contribute to a tradition of Islamic craftsmanship, but to follow in the footsteps of Umm al-Mu’mineen Zaynab bint Jahsh (radhiAllahu ‘anha).

For those of us who may not be so creatively inclined, we should consider it of equal importance to support those Muslim women who do expend precious time and resources in these painstaking and beautiful efforts. Heroism doesn’t necessarily have to be a dramatic act on a grand scale; sometimes, the greatest of heroes can be found amongst those who stretch their arms out in small but regular acts of charity.

 

 

http://thesalafifeminist.blogspot.ca/2015/06/womentrepreneur-longest-arm.html

Faatimah (radhiyallahu ‘anha)

After the demise of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), his beloved daughter Faatimah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) fell ill. The illness lasted for six months and finally lead to her death. During this illness, she said to Asmaa’ bintu ‘Umais (radhiyallahu ‘anha): “There is something which is aggravating my sickness. I am worried that after my death, when I am wrapped in my kafan (burial cloth), the shape of my body will be exposed to men”. Asmaa’ (radhiyallahu ‘anha) comforted her saying that she had observed in Abyssinia that they used a wooden frame (bier) draped with cloth. Faatimah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) requested her to show her how it is made. When she saw it, she was elated. In fact, this was the only occasion she smiled in the six months she lived after the demise of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). (Haakim vol. 3, pg. 162 & Al-Istee‘aab vol. 4, pg. 451)       Lesson: She lived a life of complete modesty and wished to die with complete modesty as well. Together with having the wooden frame, she insisted that her burial take place at night, so that the gaze of any strange man may not fall on her dead body. May Allah Ta‘ala shower His choicest mercies on her and bless us with even a small fraction of her modesty.

Fifty Shades of Grey: What Muslim Girls Need to Know

“OMG, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is coming out!” a high-school girl I mentor cheers with excitement. I nod but don't say anything. “I have to tell my friend. She will be thrilled. It is her favorite book!”
I feel goose bumps on my skin, because I happen to know her friend as well. She is not an ordinary girl. Masha'Allah, she just finished memorizing Qur'an earlier this year out of her own dedication, while maintaining full time high school.
“You do know that it's not only a soft-porn book, but it also has some really disturbing material.” I remind her.
“No Miss, apart from all that stuff, it has an amazing love story!” her voice melts as she recalls the “love” between Ana and Christian Grey.
Last summer, I skimmed through the series to be aware of what our young women are reading. Needless to say, the more I read the book the more horrified I was.
It was the first time in years –after the Twilight series–that I asked my teen daughter not to read a book, and I explained to her my reasons, “If you read this book now, you will have a messed up concept of sex, and some content may even be emotionally disturbing and psychologically damaging.”
She promised, and since then she's been offered the book several times at her “Islamic” school. Not only has the trilogy made it to this Muslim country where I currently live— pornographic material is banned here– it also has found its way to the hands of practicing Muslim girls.
I understand that it is not easy to stop the young adults from reading a book, let alone a trilogy so popular that it has sold more than 70 million copies in 2012, even surpassing the Harry Potter series as the fastest selling paperback of all time . The book is popular in the West and in the East, among the non-Muslims and Muslims. So now that most of our teens have read it, who is going to do the damage control?
Let me start of by explaining why I'm alarmed by this specific trilogy though there are many errotic books available out there.
Because this trilogy has become more famous than any other book, sending the author straight to the top of the highest-earning authors' list.
My real concern however, lies in the plot—this is a disturbing book about a millionaire sadist who enslaves young girls under a “mutual agreement” and inflicts physical pain on them for his sexual pleasure and in return he offers them generous amount of money and cossets them with lavish cars, extravagant clothes and jewelry. Abused as a teenager, he partners with his abuser in a business and doesn't necessarily see anything wrong with what his abuser did to him. Moreover, since his own mother was a prostitute who committed suicide, he chooses girls who look like his mother so he can inflict pain on them, to satisfy his anger towards his her!
A young, ambitious, educated, innocent girl, who is not only a virgin but very naïve about sex, falls in love with him, even though he stalks her, traces her calls, convinces her to sign the slavery submissive-contract so he can use her for his sexual enjoyment.
Then…. they get married and after the marriage he gives up his addiction and they live happily ever after.
Right!
As it is we already have intimacy issues among Muslim couples. We don't have parents who openly communicate with their children and educate them about sex and sexuality. We don't have enough speakers talking to our teens about sex, especially female speakers. We don't have enough Muslim counselors/therapists resolving intimacy issues between couples. On top of that, if our girls are going to read books like Fifty Shades of Grey, they are going to left with a seriously damaged concept of intimacy.
Just recently, I received a request from high school girls to hold a “Talk Session” so they can discuss their fears about marriage and intimacy. Some of the girls specifically brought up what they read in Fifty Shades of Grey and how they have developed fears and insecurity after reading the book (yet they are in love with Christian Grey!)
I cannot discuss all the points in the book thoroughly in just one article. However, to highlight some major issues, I want to tell my dear teenage daughters:

Christian Grey in Real Life:

1. It is not okay to be sexually abused by someone and then accept the abuse as a lifestyle, just because the abused starts enjoying the abuse.
2. It is not okay for a man to lure a girl into marrying him with his money or good looks while expecting her to overlook his habit of objectifying women as mere sexual objects.
3. Decent men normally don't stalk girls.
4. Grey is domineering, a control freak, a stalker, and a manipulator. In real life, these character flaws cause real marital problems. Unlike Ana, most women can't endure being stalked, watched and forced into submission while compensated with wealth and erotic intimacy. In real life, most men simply do not have the luxury of gifting the company where she works to the wife while forcing her into submitting.
5. One legitimate fact in the book worth pointing out is that Grey has a problem with Ana's male friends. Yes, that I can assure you dear daughters, especially those of you who have studied with boys and have Facebook friends of the opposite gender from school or work, that your husband may raise this objection. Or if you are used to “hanging out” for school projects at a public place, he may ask you to stop doing so. You either talk this through before marriage or you should be prepared to “submit” on this point after marriage and keep in mind that in exchange for your obedience, a luxurious ski trip to Aspen in a private jet with your girl friends is not guaranteed.

Addiction and BDSM:

6. It is not okay to marry an addict especially if a girl finds out about his addiction before the marriage. This is a serious matter and unlike the book, addicts don't lose their addiction just by marrying someone they love.
7. It can take years for an addict to overcome his addiction. Addicts almost always have relapses and those relapses can take a tremendous toll on the marriage.
8. I've come across countless men who have issues of child molestation, mother-father family issues, and desperately need therapy, but they will refuse to acknowledge any problems with their behavior let alone seek therapy. Our hero Mr. Grey, seeks counseling even before Ana asks him to seek help for his psychological issues. Dear daughters, the unfortunate fact of life is that it may take months of convincing, even arguments, and at times even family/friends' intervention, before the husband finally agrees to seek therapy.
9. It is not okay for a man to inflict physical pain on his wife for his sexual pleasure.
10.Sadism/Bondage/Submission and Dominance (BDSM) are acts of sex that may develop among couples in a halal way but it takes time. Initially a relationship needs understanding and normal intimacy. Once both partners, especially the wife, become comfortable and confident then they may experiment with different types of intimate practices.
11. After both husband and wife become comfortable with each other especially during intimacy, they may play around with different techniques and a variety of intimacy including BDSM. However, if it reaches to the point of inflicting pain where a wife starts crying with discomfort, or her eyes overflow with tears trying to endure pain, that's crossing the line. There is a difference in “delirious pain” and tearing up with pain.
12. Spanking the wife for rolling her eyes is wrong (even though it maybe an acceptable practice among the Christian Domestic Discipline). Hitting the wife with a belt to inflict physical pain for a husband's sexual pleasure is physical abuse. A decent man will draw his own limits for his sexual pleasure and a wife doesn't need to burst out in tears and start crying for him to realize that what he was doing was beastly.

Virginity and Intimacy:

13. No virgin has multiple orgasms on her first night. Do not enter your marriage with this misconception.
14. It may take days to weeks before a virgin experiences vaginal orgasm. (In rare cases, it may take up to months and may need therapy)
15. Communication and comfort is essential in making intimacy successful and pleasurable, especially for those girls who've guarded their chastity and are experiencing intimacy for the first time.
16. In normal circumstances, acts of BDSM should not be practiced on a girl who's been recently deflowered.
17. Men are not born expert-lovers. In real life, couples have to discuss their fantasies and communicate what they like and explain their desires, and not just once. Sometimes these fantasies have to be explained many times before the spouse finally understands. It may take months, sometimes years before sexual fantasies become realities. The book definitely raises the bar of expectations in many ways.
18. Yes, sex is a lot more than just penetration (as most Muslim women complain about their intimacy being dry and boring) but most Muslim men are not as experienced and “sex gurus” as Grey, especially those who have kept themselves pure before marriage.
19. Grey can read Ana's body language and knows exactly what will turn her on and what will bring her pleasure AND he is always ready to give her that. Dear daughters, in real life things are very different.
20. In the beginning of a marriage, most Muslim men don't know how to make a women experience an orgasm during every intercourse. They need to learn and the wives need to help them learn. It is a give-and-take relationship.

Romance between Ana & Grey:

21. There is never a “dull moment” in their romance. In real life, issues start rising after a few weeks of marriage–real issue—issues that need to be talked through and resolved. These issues cannot be resolved through “erotic intimacy” and “expensive gifts”.
22. Unlike Grey, men have mood swings too and they may not be romantic all the time.
23. Men want their wives to be romantic too and take initiatives and plan romantic events, dinners, outings etc. Unlike Grey, real men are not always full of romantic surprises.
24. Real men in real life have work to do at work. They simply cannot romantically email back and forth all day from work.
This is just a brief clarification I can offer you, of not just one but three books about an abused billionaire turned into a sadistic-domineering-control freak-emotional abuser's “amazing love story”!


Reblogged from: http://muslimmatters.org/2014/01/24/fifty-shades-grey-young-muslim-women-looking-love-need-know/

Kindness at Home

Kindness at Home

 

Islam is a beautiful religion, full of wisdom and harmony. If this wonderful religion is followed properly then a typical Muslim would only be a great example to follow. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "The most perfect believer in faith is the one who is best in moral character..."  [At-Tirmithi]
 

Spreading kindness at home:

'Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her said: "The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah exalt his mention ) said: '"When Allaah, The Almighty,Wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.'"

According to another report: "When Allaah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them." [Ibn Abu Ad-Dunyaa] In other words, they start to be kind to one another.

This is one of the means of attaining happiness at home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and it brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Allaah loves kindness and rewards for it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else."

 

Helping the wife with the housework:

Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work. The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah  exalt his mention ) however, used to "sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes."

This is how 'Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her responded when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah  exalt his mention ) used to do in his house; she described what she herself had seen. According to another report, she said: "He was like any other human being; he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself."

If we Muslim men were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:

 

1.      We would be following the example of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah exalt his mention).

2.      We would be helping our wives.

3.      We would feel more humble and down to earth.

 

These narrations should act as a reminder to those men, who demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove and the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child or wait a little while for the food.

 

Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family:

Showing affection towards one's wife and children is one of the things that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah  exalt his mention ) advised Jaabir may Allaah be pleased with him to marry a virgin, saying,

"Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah  exalt his mention ) also said: "Everything in which Allaah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife..." [An-Nasaa'ee]

"The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah  exalt his mention ) kissed Al-Hasan Ibn 'Ali, and Al-Aqra' Ibn Haabis At-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: 'I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them.' The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam (May Allaah  exalt his mention ) looked at him and said: 'The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

You Want to be Like Her? WHO???

You Want to be Like Her? WHO???

She is Khadija (R.A): The first to accept Islam,a successful business woman a supporter to the early development of Islam,a philanthropist,I.e the first wife of the prophet (S.A.W).

 

She is Maryam (A.S): A virgin that give birth to prophet Isah (A.S), she sweeps and clean masjid day and night, She submitted herself to Allah and a surah in the Qur'an is named after her Suratul Maryam.

She is Aisha (R.A): The beloved wife of prophet (S.A.W). A devoted worshipper an educationist, scholar and a teacher of the science of hadith youth as she was, she was highly generous in memorization of qur'an and hadith.

She is Asiya (R.A): A woman of unshakable Imaan (faith), Foster mother of prophet Musa (A.S). A wife to a rich, powerful and dictator king fir'aun but yet full of wisdom. She forsake materialism and chosen Allah and the Hereafter.

She is Ummu Ammar (Summayya R.A): The first woman to embrace Islam outside the family of prophet (S.A.W). The first Muslim to be matryed.

She is Ummu Sulaim (Rumaysa bint Milhan): One of The military woman who fought at the battle field while she was pregnant during the time of prophet (S.A.W).

She is Fatima (R.A): Beloved daughter of the prophet (S.AW).an obedient wife and caring mother, a nurse and a doctor who treated the injured and wounded at the battle field during the time of prophet (S.A.W).

YES: We are proud, we are too precious: why? Because in The Qur'an, Allah named a Surah after us. Surah An-Nisah (The chapter of women)

 

NEVER FORGET YOUR WORTH!

The Nightmare Story Of Dr. Aafia Siddiqui

As-Salaamu-Alaikum Dear Readers, please remember to make a special duaa for Sister Aafia Siddiqui during these Mubarak days of Shabaan and Ramadaan. Her plight thus far is one of torture, pain and misery. Only her imaan holds her together. She has not seen her family in years, cannot make a phone call to them either. She has been tortured, abused, hurt, too many times already.

There are many interviews that went about this weekend as her sister Dr Fowzia Siddiqui was in South Africa.

Keep the oppressed ummah in your duas this Ramadaan, in sha Allah.

 

The Nightmare Story Of Dr. Aafia Siddiqui

By Judy Bello

Countercurrents.org

A woman finds herself alone on the street in an unfamiliar neighborhood of an unfamiliar city. The people around her don't speak her native language, and in fact, she doesn't understand their language. She is accompanied by a 12 year old boy, Ali. She doesn't recognize him, but she has a great affection for children, and he is in her care. He will later be identified as her son, Ahmed whom she has not seen in the 5 years since they were abducted from a taxi in Karachi not far from their home. She doesn't know how she got there, and she isn't entirely sure why she is there. Small and slender, no more than 110 lbs, he seems fragile, a little disoriented, out of place. She will later say that she was looking for her husband, or another time, that she was looking for a particular woman. It's possible she really doesn't know why she is there. She hears the Muezzin's call and begins to move towards the mosque. Perhaps she will find a refuge there.

The Afghan police in Ghazni notice a woman on the street. Something draws their attention to her. She doesn't appear to belong to the place. Perhaps she isn't dressed in the local style. She is on the street in the early afternoon on a Friday when most men are at the Mosque and women are in their homes. The Police say she seemed out of place, lost. The police would later say that she was loitering after dark, but among the court documents, there is an interview with the shopkeeper in front of whose store she was detained. He says that he wasn't in the store because it was Friday, he was attending the prayer service at the Mosque. It would have been between 1 pm and 3:30 pm. He swears the woman is a stranger and he has never seen her before. Though they will later say that they only approached her because she seemed out of place, they check his shop and even his phone to make sure. There is nothing on his phone except some pornographic images of white girls. He is innocent. [3]

So what did attract their attention? Most likely we will never know for sure. Maybe its her ap parent disorientation as they will later state, or perhaps it is just that they don't recognize her. Maybe they have been tipped off to look for her. When they confront her, she is startled and defensive. She screams at them not to touch her. She accuses them of being Americans or American operatives. [3] It is clear that neither she nor the boy speaks the local language, so a translator is called. A WikiLeaked document identifies a shopkeeper who was enlisted as translator. He says that she shouts at the police and curses them in Urdu. She calls on Allah and demands that they not touch her. Of course the same document says that she was picked up after dark. [1] If they are just asking what she is doing, why is she so distressed? Have they physically detained her, or is she just panicked by their uniforms? They take her in for questioning.

They have found a number of incriminating objects in her handbag. According to a document later published through Wikileaks, her purse contains “numerous documents on how to build explosives, chemical weapon use, targeting US military assets, excerpts from the Anarchist's Arsenal and a 1 GB (gigabyte) thumb drive with additional related material” along with “unknown chemical materials sealed in containers”. [1] During the course of the interrogation she is severely beaten. She admits that she is a suicide bomber whose target is the local governor. Apparently his home is nearby the place she was detained. She has a passport, which apparently has her true identity because they recognize her name as being on the FBI Most Wanted List . (Pretty good reckoning for local Afghan National Police who don't speak English). Perhaps it just confirms that she is definitely the one they were looking for. They call Afghan President Hamid Karzai and the Americans at Bagram, as well as the Governor she was supposedly targeting, who immediately takes advantage of the opportunity for publicity and calls a press conference. [2]

Soon the Americans arrived, FBI agents with soldiers and translators in tow, to collect their prey. She is sitting on a bed behind a curtain in a rather small room. She is bruised and exhausted. Perhaps she has dozed and is awakened by the entrance of as many as 10 men into the small room where she is being held. Now she is alert. It is interesting that the interrogators have brought along translators, but perhaps they need them to communicate with the Afghan police. The woman speaks good enough English to get a Masters Degree from MIT and PhD from Brandeis University. She was a dynamo then, busy with her studies and her charities and her family. Now she is exhausted, beaten, frightened, alone in a room full of heavily armed men.

One of the soldiers seats himself near the curtain and sets his automatic rifle on the floor near his chair. He will later say that it hadn't occurred to him that the prisoner was in the room. [1] I suppose that is understandable. In the world these Americans normally inhabit, prisoners are regularly shackled and hooded. They are brought into a room when everyone else is in place like chained animals being brought into the ring at a circus. Even so, it is a pretty serious breach of responsibility for the Sergeant in charge of the security team to lay his rifle on the floor next to a closed curtain.

This prisoner is curious about the commotion and anxious. She wants to know what is happening. She rises and steps forward. She peeks through the curtain . . . Snatches the gun . . . . and Fires the gun . . . according to the Americans . Someone yells out “The prisoner is free.” Shots ring out. She falls to the ground, wounded, with a bullet in her belly and one in her side. When her attackers come to rescue her, she curses them in English and screams at them not to touch her, even as they wrestle her to the ground. Later, in court, the Americans will swear that she took the gun and fired it. They will say they had no choice but to defend themselves. The Afghans will state that they didn't see what happened but they heard shots fired. The woman says that she came to the curtain to see what was going on.

The prisoner is brought to Bagram Hospital for surgery, where a portion of her intestines is removed, along with a kidney. She is in shock and near death on arrival. Numerous transfusions are required to bring her back and stabilize her prior to and during the emergency surgery. Afterwards, she is shackled, hand and foot, to her bed. Imagine, if you will, a surgery where the patient is cut from breastbone to pubis, and then shackled to a bed on her back, bound hand and foot like a crucifixion. A pair of watchful FBI Agents stay by her side, encouraging her to talk about herself, about her life. [3] She will later refer to him as her only friends. She is heavily sedated with pain killers, and one can imagine they might be very helpful, given her restraints, and comforting, given her state of utter dependence and aloneness. A week later, she is flown to New York and arraigned before the Southern Court of New York in a wheelchair on separate charges obtaining a lethal weapon and of attempting to kill each person in the room.

This terrible story is like something out of a nightmare, or a bad novel. But it is a true story, in so far as you can find the truth of events that are disputed and cloaked in the secrecy of multiple ‘security operations'. At least it is part of the story of the ordeal of Dr. Aafia Siddiqui, a Pakistani woman, born into an upper middle class family with conservative religious values, who placed a high value on education and on service. It is a part of the story of a young woman who came to the US, initially to Texas, later to Massachusetts to attend various colleges, eventually achieving a degree in ‘Neuroscience', though she was did not enjoy biology and chemistry but preferred the study of psychology and education. In fact she had prepared for a career teaching developmentally disabled children. [3]

Aafia Siddiqui had lived in the US for more than 10 years, married here and borne her children here. She carried the family standard as she engaged in teaching and preaching Islam as the clearest and brightest truth and supporting Muslim Charities in war zones like Croatia and later, Afghanistan; sending Qur'ans to prisoners and teaching children at an impoverished inner city mosque. But something has gone terribly wrong to bring our heroine her to this terrible pass. And it will only get worse.

Returning to the present story, common sense would indicate it would have been very difficult for this small battered woman to have lifted and fired a powerful automatic rifle. The least amount of compassion would indicate that even if she did take the gun, even if she managed to fire the high power automatic rifle without being knocked to the ground, the action would have been in the service of escape rather than a murderous rampage. However, there is no forensic evidence whatsoever that she held the gun or fired it. No one was shot except the prisoner herself. There were no bullet holes in the walls or ceiling of the small room, and no shell casings recovered from the floor. There were no fingerprints on the gun, and there was no gunpowder on the prisoner's hands or the curtain in front of her. [Court Documents] Yet a year later, Dr. Aafia Siddiqui, a Pakistani national who never should have been extradited from Afghanistan to the US in the first place, a bright, well educated person with a PhD from Brandeis University, now incapable if a consistent description of where she had been for the past 5 years, incapable of recognizing her own son, was convicted of separate counts of attempted murder and assault for every American in the room, sentenced to 86 years in prison and incarcerated in Carswell Medical Center in Texas.

According to Cornell University Legal Information Institute , under Federal law: the maximum sentence for manslaughter

Sources:

1.       The Express Tribune: Wikileaks Aafia's Incriminating Purse

2.      Court Document, USA vs. Aafia Siddiqui, Document #256 ( Aafia Siddiqui's testimony to FBI agents at her bedside while in Bagram hospital after her surgery )

3.      Sentencing, USA vs. Aafia Siddiqui, Document #314

4.      Case Summary, 1:08-cr-00826-RMB USA v. Siddiqui, “Count 1: Conspiracy ( with whom? ) to Kill A US Citizen [] Count 4: Violent Crime/Drugs/ Machine Gun (!) (Use of a firearm during crime of violence (?) “ — Emphasis and red comments interjected are mine.

5.      Definitions from Findlaw.com

1.       Attempt to Commit Murder or Manslaughter

2.      Protection of Officers and Employees of the United States

3.      Assaulting Resisting or Impeding Certain Officers or Employees

4.      *** Armed Career Criminal Act (Terrorism Enhancement)

6.      Other crimes in 18 U.S.C.

1.       Cornell LII: Trafficking with respect to peonage, slavery, involuntary servitude, or forced labor

2.      Cornell LII: Violence at International Airports

3.      Cornell LII: Manslaughter

4.      Cornell LII: Threatening the President

5.      Cornell LII: Assaulting a Supreme Court Officer

6.      Cornell LII: Helping Al Qaeda develop a nuclear weapon

Judy Bello is currently a full time activist thanks to the harsh and unforgiving work environment in the Software Development Industry. Finally free to focus on her own interests in her home office, she is active with The Upstate Coalition to Ground the Drones and End the Wars, and with Fellowship of Reconciliation Middle East Task Force and often posts on their blog at http://forusa.org . She has been to Iran twice with FOR Peace Delegations, and spent a month in the Kurdish city of Suleimaniya in 2009. Her personal blog, Towards a Global Perspective, is at http://blog.papillonweb.net and she is administers the Upstate anti-Drone Coalition website at http://upstatedroneaction.org . She can be reached at: jb.papillonweb@gmail.com