Parenting the Islamic Way (Fanfold)

Salaams,

 

I received this by way of mail (courtsey uswatulmuslimah.co.za <info@uswatulmuslimah.co.za>). I found it useful and excellent way of rearing children in the correct manner.

 

 

Who is the Sacrifice?

Who is the Sacrifice?

Yesterday, Ebrahim Alayhis Salaam stood ready, with knife in hand, to sacrifice his only child to secure Allah's pleasure. Today, we sacrifice every command of Allah for the happiness of our kids.

 

Affluenza! Affluenza is a term that describes a mental illness that develops in a child by a parent's excessive molly coddling which translates into reckless behaviour and an inability to understand the consequences of one's actions. This very condition was used in the recent defence of a 16 year old American youth who while drunk and stealing his father's vehicle killed four people and injured twelve others in a horrific collision.

 

While the prosecution was pushing for a 20 year imprisonment, the defence mellowed the judgement down to ten years in a psychiatric facility. The defence argued that due to the pampered lifestyle afforded to him by his wealthy parents who gave him everything and never set any limits, the teenager never learned that he was responsible for his actions and that his actions have consequences. Hence, he was not fully responsible for his actions.

 

This type of mentality surely rings a bell when one considers many of the youth in our own community. Many are the parents who instead of parenting the child, dote on his/her every wish and encourage a lifestyle of indulgence. Flashy cell phones are given to kids still in primary school, expensive vehicles as soon as they can drive and plentiful cash to throw around. If the kids get into trouble, even if they are at fault,  the parents throw their power and influence around so that he/she gets away scot-free, instead of using such opportunities to teach the kids responsibility. One wonders if these parents realise that they are sowing the seeds of destruction for those they love the most.

 

The following Hadith imparts a most powerful lesson, “Whoever seeks Allah's Pleasure at the expense of the people's displeasure, will win Allah's Pleasure and Allah will then cause the people to be pleased with him. And whoever seeks to please others at the expense of Allah's Displeasure, will draw the Displeasure of Allah and Allah will then cause the people to be displeased with him." (Ibn Hibban)

 

Is it then any surprise, that the very kids that were doted upon later become their parents’ greatest nightmares causing untold pain and grief? The time of Qurbani should be a moment of deep reflection in the upbringing of our kids. Yesterday, Ebrahim Alayhis Salaam stood ready, with knife in hand, to sacrifice his only child to secure Allah's pleasure. Today, we sacrifice every command of Allah for the happiness of our kids.

 

The Hadith teaches us, “No father has given his child a gift better than good character.”(Tirmizi)

Unfortunately for many, the idea of gifts have been restricted to objects of material value, yet the Hadith, time and again, informs us that real wealth is the wealth of the soul. Have we not witnessed, with our very eyes, people whose monetary value is in the millions but who are valueless as human beings? It is hard to imagine that loving parents would wish the same internal bankruptcy for their kids. Reality is sometimes stranger than fantasy.

 

This year when we put the knife on the animal's throat that we sacrifice to please Allah, reflect on the rest of your life. Are we sacrificing for Allah or are we sacrificing  Allah for others?

 

Jamiatul Ulama (KZN)
Council of Muslim Theologians

 

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

The Secret

One day, one friend asked another, "How is it that you are always so happy? You have so much energy, and you never seem to get down

."

With her eyes smiling, she said, "I know the Secret!" "What secret is that?" To which she replied, "I'll tell you all about it, but you have to promise to share the Secret with others."

The Secret is this:

I have learned there is little I can do in my life that will make me truly happy. I must depend on ALLAH (SWT) to make

me happy and to meet my needs. When a need arises in my life, I have to trust

ALLAH (SWT) to supply according to HIS riches. I have learned most of the time I don't need half of what I think I do. He has never let me down. Since I learned that 'Secret', I am happy."

In everything you do, put

Allah (SWT) first, and he will direct you and crown your effort with success

The questioner's first thought was, "That's too simple!" But upon reflecting over her own life she recalled how she thought a bigger house would make her happy, but it didn't! She thought a better paying job would make her happy, but it hadn't. When did she realize her greatest happiness? Sitting on the floor with her children, playing games, eating pizza or reading a story, a simple gift from

ALLAH (SWT).

In everything you do, put

Allah (SWT) first, and he will direct you and crown your effort with success.

Now you know it too! We can't depend on people to make us happy. Only

ALLAH (SWT) in His infinite wisdom can do that. Trust in HIM! And now I pass the Secret on to you! So once you get it, what will you do?

YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too! That ALLAH (SWT) in His wisdom will take care of YOU! But it's not really a secret... We just have to believe it and do it... Really trust ALLAH (SWT) !

In everything you do, put Allah (SWT) first, and he will direct you and crown your effort with success.

Muslim girls have eating disorders too

Muslim girls have eating disorders too

The article hereunder was submitted by a sister who requested its publication for the benefit of the Muslim community.

When I was put to the task of writing an article related to counseling, I wracked my mind for an idea. What could I write, after possibly, a five year academic hiatus? I trawled articles, blogs and websites on the internet for inspiration. And then a thought: why not write an article on a problem that has plagued me for most of my teenage and young adult years. A problem that was, undoubtedly, a deciding factor in choosing my undergraduate field of study in psychology. Eating Disorders.

I did not want this article to be a regurgitating hash of psychological terms and textbook-style definitions. Open any book, magazine article or website on Eating Disorders and you will read this. Nor did I want this article to be about Mary* (pseudonym for a person that probably does not even exist) and how Mary manages to overcome her obsession with food. I wanted to share with you my story. The story of a Muslim woman whom struggled for many years with a mental illness that is commonly thought of as a disease of the west. 

Almost everyone has a love of food. Our gatherings and celebrations are often centered on mouth-watering, delicious dishes and calorific, sugar-laden desserts. Food has a universal appeal. It transcends religions and cultures. Nevertheless just about every person has said, at least once, that they need “to go on a diet.” For some people, however, this goes far beyond simply choosing a low-fat or non-fat version of a foodstuff in a bid to be healthier. It becomes a serious and life-threatening reality. An anxiety that consumes every second of their waking lives.

I know this obsession by its first-name. It was an unwelcome guest for a countless many breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I struggled day after day; often feeling like a war was being waged on my body and in my mind. And I felt very alone. A Muslim girl suffering from an eating disorder? Unheard of. There were definitely others like me, but we were blanketed by the disapproval of a society that assumes these are the problems of the “white girls.”
 
It was only after researching social network sites and the internet that I realized; Eating Disorders are prevalent amongst Muslim females and in certain cases, Muslim males. It is a growing phenomenon and is often overlooked. Do we presume that because a woman wears a hijab, she is immune to media and social pressures that dictate a certain standard of beauty? A Muslim woman may be the embodiment of modesty and reserve, but she is still just a woman. I am not sheltered in a cocoon, blissfully unaffected by a measure that values the lithe and slender.

I particularly remember an incident when I was in the awkward phase of puberty- a time of teenage angst and melodrama, and whilst visiting some family members, an old lady said to my mother, “she could be pretty if she lost some weight.” 

This comment, although it was probably well-meaning, was very damaging to my emerging self-esteem and it became the twisted motivation I used to starve myself.

Fast-forward a few years and I beat my body into submission. I became an emaciated version of my former self. At the peak of my struggle with my eating disorder, I felt at the lowest ebb of my Iman. The blessed month of Ramadaan became my enabler and often times I questioned myself, “was I fasting for myself or for Allah.” An eating disorder is a debilitating disease and it encumbers you from doing what you really want to do. Your spirituality is put to the test.

 

On the contrary, I finally received approval from the marriage police. You know the sort- those well connected aunties who rate you based on a number of factors: complexion, eye-colour, body size and social class. If you were fair, green-eyed, slim and from a good family, then you rated extremely high on the potential bride scale. You would hardly, if ever, hear about the girl that was an excellent match for so-and-so because of her good character. These are the unspoken rules of our society. A society that frowns upon anything remotely westernized yet uses these same shallow principals when discussing young Muslim women as prospective brides-to-be.

Therefore, we should not only blame the western objectification of women’s bodies, fashion and clothing. We are far too quick to lay fault on modern ideals. “These young girls are obsessed by movie stars,” is often our repetitive complaint. Perhaps we need to rethink the discourses of our own culture.

Through the immeasurable mercy of the Almighty, this story has a happy ending. I have thankfully, managed to overcome my eating disorder and my obsession with being a size zero. It is important to seek the help of a professional counselor or psychologist to defeat this mental illness. I also firmly believe in the power of supplication and in earnestly asking our Creator for help and forgiveness to supplement ones treatment. 

“There is no disease that Allah has created, except that He has also created its treatment.” (Al-Bukhari)

It is my sincere wish that this article will help, inspire and encourage others. After reading this, I hope they realize that they are not alone in their struggles. Muslim girls have eating disorders too.