Ramadaan Series 1442

 

A Compassionate Mother to All

(Mother of Mufti Ebrahim Salejee [daamat barakaatuhum] – Part One)

Makkiyyah Aapa (rahimahallah) would show great affection to young children and was always concerned about their wellbeing and progress. Hence, she would show deep consideration for children and would continuously monitor them, guiding and correcting them with love. She would even share valuable parenting tips with the parents. Furthermore, she was blessed with a sense of humour due to which children would feel comfortable in her company.

The extent of consideration which she showed to young children can perhaps be gauged by the fact that during the annual jalsah of Madrasah Ta’leemuddeen (for which the ladies are hosted at her home), she would ensure that fruit would be cut and served during the programme. She knew that the jalsah program is lengthy and realized that children become hungry very quickly. Hence, she did this to ensure that the children would be comfortable and would not be inconvenienced.

Allah Ta‘ala had blessed her with a good understanding of ‘child psychology’ (i.e. the temperament of a child and the manner in which a child thinks, etc.). It was in light of this that she would caution mothers against continuously reproaching and scolding their children. She would explain to them that doing so causes the children to become more obstinate, stubborn and rebellious. Likewise, she would advise that when conducting ta’leem at home with the children, then more focus should be on Jannah and reward than on Jahannum and punishment, as children become easily scared and despondent.

She also stressed upon the importance of instilling hayaa and the qualities of imaan into children right from their childhood. Hence, in regard to clothing, she disliked children wearing branded clothing, especially when it had writing, logos, etc. on it. Likewise, she disliked boys wearing red or shiny clothing. She would advise the mothers to get kurtas sewn for the boys using cool, dark-coloured, cotton fabric, and loose-fitting, modest dresses for girls. She abhorred tight-fitting, body-hugging clothing, and insisted that all women dress modestly with long flowing garments.

In fact, if she saw anyone in the family wearing incorrect clothing such as short sleeves or short dresses, she would immediately reprimand them and ask them to go and change their clothing. She would also instruct the females to wear a long and broad scarf so that their chests would not become exposed. Furthermore, she did not like young girls to ride bicycles, and would emphasize upon young children covering their heads while eating.

It was due to this very same concern of hers (i.e. that the upbringing of the children should not be spoiled and they should not be exposed to unsuitable influences) that she would discourage that children be sent on holidays without their parents – even to family homes. Rather, she would explain that the parents must remain with their children.

Through her experience and foresight, she understood the future needs of a young girl in making a home and marriage. With this in mind, she would encourage those mothers who had daughters of marriageable age to entrust all the domestic duties to them (the cooking, cleaning of the house, etc.). This was to train them to run their own home. It was in light of this that she would say, “If a woman is proficient in two things, cooking and sewing, then she will be a queen in her home.”

There were two further aspects that she would encourage regarding children. The first was that mothers awaken their young children (seven years and older) for Fajr Salaah. She would explain that when this is the best part of the day and it contains abundant blessings, then children should not be deprived of these blessings. The second was the importance of children becoming fluent in speaking their mother-tongue. She would explain that there is no need to teach them to speak English as they will automatically learn English through interacting with others.

Lessons:

1. A person’s childhood is the period in which one is moulded for life. Understanding this, Makkiyyah Aapa (rahimahallah) was very particular regarding the upbringing of children. She remained vigilant at all times and constantly corrected the children when they erred. However, she did not continuously scold the children, but rather corrected them with compassion.

2. Parents are cautioned to always keep their children under their watchful gaze, as a kidnapping can occur in mere seconds. Similarly, the kidnapping of the imaan can also take place in mere seconds, through exposure to unsuitable influences, and this is why she was concerned about the children being under the constant supervision of their parents.

3. Every person is born with the quality of hayaa i.e. it is intrinsic and instinctive in each person. However, due to upbringing, many people are sadly stripped of their hayaa and are taught to behave in an immodest manner. Hence, Makkiyyah Aapa (rahimahallah) ensured that the hayaa of the children was safeguarded from their infancy, as it is very difficult to instil hayaa into the child when he/she is older. For example, if the girl grew up wearing short-sleeve t-shirts, she may find it difficult to leave this type of clothing later on.

4. The wise parent is that parent who equips their child for all that he/she will require in life. Hence, Makkiyyah Aapa (rahimahallah) placed emphasis on young girls gaining proficiency in running a home, as this will be her primary responsibility after marriage.