An Address to Young Girls (Part 1)

“A Muslimah’s Guide to Living a Blissful Life” 

My Dearest Daughters'

Let me give you a picture of the life of comfort that you currently enjoy in your home as well as the life that you will be leading in future, when you will move into someone else’s home.

One day you will move out of your parents’ home and live in another person’s home. Although you conduct yourself and behave in a certain way in your parents’ home, you will be expected to conduct yourself and behave differently tomorrow when you are in someone else’s home. The conditions and situations that you face in your parents’ home are different, whereas the conditions and situations that you will encounter tomorrow will be entirely different.

Through the grace of Allah Ta‘ala, we currently live in the care of our parents. Hence, due to their care and protection, it is very difficult for any harm to afflict us. However, when we leave our parents’ care, who will be there to take care of us? Whenever we ‘pulled up’ our faces, behaved in a surly and sulky manner, displayed bad manners or an ill-temper, desired comfort and luxury and acted with laziness, refused to share something with others and showed selfishness, our parents overlooked our faults and did not expose us. Who will overlook our faults tomorrow, when we leave our parents’ home?  Why would others be prepared to tolerate and put up with our bad behaviour?

If you have understood this well, then while living a comfortable life under your parents’ roof, you will learn how to live correctly in their home, as well as how to conduct yourself tomorrow when you will move into someone else’s home. You will learn and identify those qualities and aspects which form the foundation of a happy and peaceful life.

My dear daughters! Listen attentively to what I am going to tell you! If you want to live a comfortable, enjoyable and happy life, then accept the advices that I am going to give you and ensure that you practise upon them. If you do so, your entire life will be one of happiness.

I am first going to tell you how to live and conduct yourself in your parents’ home in such a way that your parents’ home will serve as a training ground for you, through which you will gain great experience (which you will require very much later on in life). I will thereafter tell you how to behave and conduct yourself in the home of your in-laws so that you will be well prepared and equipped for all that you may encounter.

If you learn these aspects correctly, you will remain safe from the harm of people. In fact, (you will win the hearts of people due to which) they will only want to give you ease and comfort. Your parents will then be pleased with you. When they see your excellent character, good qualities and the manner in which you conduct yourself, their hearts will brim with happiness and joy. Likewise, your husband will be pleased with you and will always treat you with kindness and sympathy. Let alone your husband, all your relatives and family members will be sympathetic towards you and will always be ready to assist you. You will acquire the excellent character that your elders possessed before you. When people see how organized and efficient you are, they will all be pleased. In this manner, people will hold you in high regard, honour you and treat you with respect.

The gist of what I am saying is that while you are in your parents’ home, you need to learn how to completely take charge of the home. If you have equipped yourself in this manner, then you will be taking those very same skills with you when you go to the home of your in-laws.

In this regard, you must realize that the very first thing which you will need to pay attention to on entering your new home after marriage is the household and domestic affairs. It is your capability and efficiency in this department that will be the gauge through which your in-laws will assess and judge you. They will view the cleanliness and hygiene of your home, the manner in which you entertain your guests, whether you display courtesy and good character when meeting and interacting with family and friends and whether you are accomplished and capable with your hands (i.e. in performing basic tasks that relate to your hands, such as cooking, baking, sewing etc.). It is for this reason that the most important skills which you will require are domestic skills and the skill of efficiently running a home. These skills are so important that if you do not acquire them, then it is as though you are completely incapable and cannot do anything at all.

Today (at your parents’ home), at least you have people who can teach you these skills and give you guidance. Tomorrow, there will be no one who will care for you. You will have to handle your own problems. If you do not prepare and equip yourself with the appropriate skills and qualities today, you won’t cope and manage with your responsibilities tomorrow, and if you do eventually cope, it will be through learning the ‘hard way’ and repeatedly ‘burning your fingers’. Carelessness will become your nature and will be entrenched in you. As a result of your carelessness and negligence, you will always suffer embarrassment in front of others. When this is the case, how will you ever gain respect and enjoy happiness?

(to be continued Insha-Allah)

Haaya (Modesty)

There was once an eagle that lived atop the highest of mountains, nesting among the crags. One day, the eagle felt curious about the village that lay at the foot of the mountain and decided to pay it a visit. As it landed on the ground below, an old lady suddenly threw a sack over it, capturing it and taking it to her home!

Once at home, she took the bewildered and frightened eagle out of the sack. Never having seen an eagle before, she looked at it and exclaimed, “You poor bird! Nobody’s been looking after you! Your nails are so long and filthy! And your beak has become curved and sharp! And your wings are overgrown! Shame!” Saying so, she clipped the eagle’s wings. Then, she trimmed its beak. Finally, she cut its talons.

Obviously, that was the end of the eagle. With its wings trimmed, it could no longer fly. With its talons trimmed, it could no longer hunt, and with its beak cut, it could no longer eat. What seemed like kindness was, in reality, absolute cruelty to the eagle as it effectively killed the bird. Furthermore, it obliterated the beauty and unique features of the eagle, which lay in its curved beak, hooked talons and large, powerful wings, and rendered the eagle indistinguishable from an overgrown chicken.

In comparison to this example, Allah Ta‘ala has blessed the Ummah of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) with the quality of hayaa (modesty and shame). This is their own special quality that sets them apart and distinguishes them from every other Ummah and religion, and this is the quality on which the survival of their imaan is dependent. To some people, hayaa may seem to be a hindrance and obstacle in the path of ‘progress’. The reality is that stripping a Muslim of hayaa is an act of utter cruelty and completely handicaps a person, preventing him from progressing on the path to Jannah.

Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) has said, “Hayaa and imaan have been joined together. When one leaves, the other follows.” (Mustadrak Haakim #58) When hayaa has been joined to imaan, we can understand that if a person inculcates more hayaa in his life, his imaan will also proportionately progress, and if one loses his hayaa, he will soon thereafter lose his imaan (may Allah Ta‘ala save us all).

Similarly, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) has mentioned, “Indeed every religion has a distinguishing characteristic, and the distinguishing characteristic of Islam is hayaa.” (Sunan Ibni Maajah #4181) If a Muslim is void of hayaa, he or she will eventually become indistinguishable from the disbelievers. Sadly, this is commonly witnessed today, where many Muslim brothers and sisters, on account of their dressing, etc, cannot be distinguished from the disbelievers.

It is a lamentable reality that we live in an age of indecency, shamelessness and immorality. However, instead of being swept away by the tsunami, we should rather strive to rekindle the spirit of hayaa – especially as the very survival of our imaan depends on the level of our hayaa. For this purpose, Uswatul Muslimah has commenced a new category on the website dedicated to the revival, promotion and understanding of hayaa. This category is entitled ‘Hayaa Handbook’. Insha-Allah, we will regularly post articles to this category, discussing and elaborating on different dimensions of hayaa and its role in our lives.

May Allah Ta‘ala accept us all to lead lives of complete hayaa and to strive for the revival of hayaa, in our own lives and in the lives of others.