Thursday, January 31, 2013

A small description of the Beauty and Greatness of Allah (swt)

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) described the Greatness of Allah in the most beautiful way:

"He is controlling the affairs of all the kingdoms. He commands and prohibits, creates and gives provision, and gives death and gives life. He raises and lowers people’s status, alternates night and day, gives days (good and not so good) to men by turns, and causes nations to rise and fall, so that one nation vanishes and another emerges. His command and decree are carried out throughout the heavens and on earth, above it and below it, in the oceans and in the air. He has knowledge of all things and knows the number of all things. He hears all voices, and does not mistake one for another; He hears them all, in all the different languages and with all their varied requests and pleas. No voice distracts Him from hearing another, He does not confuse their requests, and He never tires of hearing the pleas of those in need. He sees all that is visible, even the walk of a black ant across a solid rock in the darkest night.

The unseen is visible to Him, and secrets are known to Him Whosoever is in the heavens and on earth begs of Him (its needs from Him). Every day He has a matter to bring forth (such as giving honour to some, disgrace to some, life to some, death to some, etc.)! [The Quran 55:29 interpretation of the meaning]. He forgives sins, eases worries, relieves distress, helps the defeated person back on his feet, makes the poor rich, guides the one who is astray and confused, fulfils the needs of the desperate, feeds the hungry, clothes the naked, conceals faults, and calms fears. He raises the status of some and lowers the status of others. Even if all the inhabitants of heaven and earth, the first and the last of them, mankind and jinn alike, were to be as pious as the most pious among them, this would not increase His sovereignty in the slightest; if they all, the first and the last of them, mankind and jinn alike, were to be as rebellious as the most rebellious among them, this would not decrease His sovereignty in the slightest. If everything in heaven and on earth, the first and the last of them, mankind and jinn, living and dead, animate and inanimate, were to stand in one place and ask of Him, and He were to give them everything that they asked for, this would not decrease what He has by even an atom’s weight.

He is the First, before Whom there is nothing, and the Last, after Whom there is nothing. He is the Most deserving of being remembered, the Most deserving of being worshipped, the Most deserving of being thanked. He is the Most Compassionate of kings, the Most Generous of those who are asked. He is the King Who has no partner or associate, the One who has no rival, the Self-Sufficient Master, Who has no son, the Most High, and there is none like unto Him. Everything will perish save His face [Quran 28:88 interpretation of the meaning], and everything will vanish except His sovereignty. He will not be obeyed except by His permission, and He will not be disobeyed except with His knowledge. He is obeyed, so He shows His appreciation, and He is disobeyed, so he forgives. Every punishment on His part is justice, and every blessing from Him is a favour. He is the closest of witnesses and the nearest of protectors. He seizes people by their forelocks, records their deeds and decrees the appointed time for all things. Hearts conceal nothing from Him, for secrets are known to Him. His gift is a word and His punishment is a word: Verily, His Command, when He intends a thing, is only that He says to it, Be! and it is. [Quran, 36:82 interpretation of the meaning].

(Adapted from al-Waabil al-Sayib, p. 125)

This is Allah, who revealed the Glorious Quran for the guidance of mankind.
another amazing read ON ALLAH:
"Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
– Ibn al Qayyim rahimahullah
O Allah grant me the best of the graces that Thou hast awarded to Thy righteous servants.
O Allah I seek Thy protection from that Thou shouldst turn Thy face from me on the Day of Judgement.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

World Hijab Day - 1st February 2012

Oppressed! Subjugated! These are probably the words that come to your mind when you see a Muslim woman covered in Hijab (the Islamic modest covering of a woman). You assume it’s her father or some radical male member from her family who is forcing her to dress that way. At least that is what people say to you. That is how the media views Muslim women who cover. Let me ask you, have you heard of the famous sayings: “go straight to the source?” Or “walk a day in my shoes?” I am sure you have heard these a million times. 

Let me use the first. I ask you sincerely, have you ever gone to the true source for information about Hijab and Islam?  Have you read books, asked scholars or visited a Mosque? Have you ever asked a Muslim woman why she is so covered in a world that seeks to shed as much clothing as possible?  If you asked a Muslim woman, she would inform you that the purpose behind her Hijab is to obey her Creator over the creation. Her Creator, Allah (God), did not legislate Hijab in order to oppress her, but rather to free her from the shackles of this world. He ordered Hijab as an honor and sign of dignity for women. 

When a Muslim woman covers her hair, chest and body, she is sending a silent message that she respects her body and like a pearl in the ocean, she covers it with her beautiful shell (Hijab). No one has the right to observe, gawk at and judge a Muslim woman by the highlights in her hair or curves on her body. Instead they judge her for what is in her mind, her character, and her goals and ambitions.  Hijab is prevention from being accosted by ignorant minds who only judge a woman by the clothes she wears and the skin she shows. A woman’s body as you know is sacred and this is why Islam encourages women to strive to cover and protect it.

Let us return to the second saying, “Walk a day in my shoes.” This is where WHD comes in. What is that you ask? WHD is short for World Hijab Day. This first time annual event will be held on February 1
st, 2013 (Insha allah). On this day, we ask Non-Muslim and Non-Hijabi Muslim women worldwide to observe Hijab for a day. It will be a day for everyone willing to experience what it’s like to step inside the shoes of a Hijabi. Our hopes are no less than that. We wish you will gain a wealth of knowledge and experience a slightly different definition of FREEDOM.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Excellence of Simple Living and being Content with Little

Take Lesson from our mother A'aisha RA - My Dear Brothers and Sisters
`Urwah from `Aa’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported that she used to say to Urwah (May Allah be pleased with him): "O son of my sister, by Allah, I used to see the new moon, then the new moon, then the new moon, i.e., three moons in two months, and a fire was not kindled in the house of Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ). "I (`Urwah) said, "O my aunt, what were your means of sustenance?" She said; "Dates and water. But it (so happened) that Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ) had some Ansar neighbours who had milch animals. They used to send Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ) some milk of their (animals) and he gave that to us to drink."[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].


`Aa’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) did not say this by way of complaint but as warning and exhortation to the Muslims, especially women, so that they would also live a simple life. The latter should prepare their family budget keeping in view the lawful earnings of their husbands and do not place so much burden on them that they are compelled to look for unfair means of earning.

56/492 - Riyad Us-Saliheen (Gardens of the Righteous)
Surah Kafirun Against Idolatry
Rasuallah(صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ) said, "Recite Surah Al-Kafirun(no. 109, part 30) because it suppresses disgust from idolatry and polytheism."  (Mishkat, Tirmizi)
Surah al Falaq & An’ Naas Against Evil

The Prophet (
صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) used to seek refuge from the jinn as well as from the evil eye until Surah al Falaq and An Naas were revealed. When they were sent down, he utilised them and left other things.
 [At-Tirmidhi #1984, Riyad as-Salihin by Imam an-Nawawi Ch.183 #1014]
Surah Zilzalah is 1/2 of Qur’ran

Abdullah Ibn ‘Abbas and Anas Ibn Malik (
رضي الله عنه) reported that the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, ‘Whoever recited Surah Zilzilah (99) would get the reward of reciting half the Qur’an. Whoever recited Surah al Kaafirun (109) would get a reward as if reading a quarter of the Qur’an. Whoever recited Surah al Ikhlas (112)would get a reward as if reading one third of the Qur’an’ (At-Tirmidhi 2818/A)
Read Qur’an Frequently
 Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (RA) reported: The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, "Read the Qur'an regularly. By the One in Whose Hand Muhammad's soul is, it escapes from memory faster than a camel does from its tying ropes.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Narrated Shaddad bin Aus (رضي الله عنه ): The Prophet  رســــول اللـــه صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said, "The most superior way of asking for forgiveness from ALLAH is:        
'Allahumma Anta Rabbi,la ilaha illa Anta,Khalaqtani wa ana 'abduka, wa ana 'ala 'ahdika wa wa'dika mastata'tu. Abu'u laka bini' matika, wa abu'u laka bidhanbi faghfirli, fainnahu la yaghfirudh-dhunuba illa Anta.A'udhu bika min sharri ma sana'tu.                                                       
If somebody recites this invocation during the night, and if hour should die then, he will enter paradise( or he will be from the people of paradise), and if he recited it in the morning, and if he should die on the same day, he will have the same fate(i-e., will enter paradise).                                   
سُبْحَانَ اللَّه
SAHIH AL BUKHARI Volume 8 hadith no 6323
Narrated Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه ): ALLAH'S Messenger  رســــول اللـــه صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said, "The hell fire is surrounded by all kinds of desires and passions, while paradise is surrounded by all kinds of disliked undesirable things."                                    
Inordinate desires and animalistic passions lead to the fire, while self control, perseverance, chastity and all other virtues, and the obedience to ALLAH and his Messenger  رســــول اللـــه صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ leads to Paradise. What leads to hell is easy to do while what leads to paradise is difficult to do.               
SAHIH AL BUKHARI Volume 8 hadith no 6487.
It was narrated from Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri that the Messenger of ALLAH  رســــول اللـــه صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said : 'The inhabitants of paradise will see the people of the highest place in Paradise above them, as you see the brilliant star far away on the horizon in the east, or the west, because of the difference in status between them." They said: "O Messenger of ALLAH, is that the status of the Prophets that no one else will attain?" He said :"No, by the One in Whose Hand is my soul. They are men who believed in ALLAH and believed in the Messengers."
SAHIH MUSLIM Volume 7 hadith no 7144 page no 228.
We should strive for the highest stages!!!


Thursday, January 24, 2013

Keeping the Right Friends

Keeping the Right Friends

'Who we keep company with is reflective of who we are'

For as far back as I can remember, my parents would always admonish me and my siblings to keep good company. My Dad specially had a favorite saying, "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are."

Needless to say, I was always very conscious, and careful about choosing the right people to surround myself with. In Islam it is doubly true and essential to surround yourself with righteous companions, because they will help to keep your feet planted on the straight path, while doing otherwise may lead you astray.

It was Ahmad ibn Harb, rahimahullaah, who said, "There is nothing more beneficial to a Muslim's heart than to mix with the righteous and to watch their actions, while nothing is more harmful to the heart of the Muslim than mixing with sinners, and watching their actions." No matter who you are, or how strong or independent you may feel, no man, or woman, is an island, and you can't make it through this life alone. This is why Islam so stresses the Jama'ah, or the congregation. The sayings that there is strength in numbers and that it is the lone sheep that gets devoured by the wolf are true.

Therefore we need to adopt correct manners, in that we try ardently never to do an action or to befriend anyone without knowing whether the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala is in it or not, and never loving and hating for worldly reasons. For the Prophet of Allah Ta'ala, sallallahu alayhi wassalaam said, "Whoever loves for Allah, and hates for Allah, gives for Allah and withholds for Allah, has completed his faith." (Abu Dawud) So who should be our companions?

First of all they should be good Muslims, who believe in Allah and His Messenger. For Allah Ta'ala says in the Qur'an, "And who so obeys Allah and the Messenger [Muhammad, sallallahu alayhe wassalaam], then they will be in the company of those on whom Allah has bestowed His Grace, of the Prophets, the Siddiqun (those followers of the prophets who were first and foremost to believe in them), the Martyrs, and the Righteous. And how excellent these companions are." [4:69]

Secondly, being around them should make you want to increase in good deeds. Allah Ta'ala says, "And We have sent down to you [O Muhammad, sallallahu alayhe wasallam], the Book [this Qur'an] in truth, confirming the Scriptures that came before it and Mohayminan over it. So judge between them by what Allah has revealed, and follow not their vain desires, diverging away from the truth that has come to you. To each among you, We have prescribed a law and a clear way. If Allah willed, He would have made you one nation, but that may test you in what He has given you; so strive as in a race in good deeds. The return of you is to Allah; then He will inform you about that in which you used to differ." [5:48]. By aligning ourselves with people who do good deeds, we are then prompted to compete with them in this regard, and thus improving the character and the religion of everyone involved.

Lastly, but by no means the least, our companions should help us to remember Allah Ta'ala. For Allah Ta'ala says, "O you who believe! Let not your properties or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whosoever does this, then they are the losers." [63:9] .In this time of hustle and bustle, it is very easy for us to get caught up in the pursuit of worldly gains. This is why it is increasingly important to surround ourselves with people, who will encourage us to think of Allah Ta'ala, in every instance of our lives.

The superiority of the remembrance of Allah was explained by the Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu alayhe wasallam, who said, "The example of the one who remembers his Lord, in comparison to the one who does not remember his Lord, is that of a living creature compared to a dead one. (Bukhari)

So let us take stock of the people we spend our time with. Do they fall into the above categories?. If our friends aren't doing these things, then what does being with them say about us?. We should strive to love those who love Allah Ta'ala, and to hate those who hate Allah Ta'ala, and what He has sent down of guidance for humanity. For the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wasallam said, "Whoever possesses three things will find the sweetness of eman. For Allah and His Messenger to be more beloved to him than anything else; to love a person for Allah's sake alone; and to hate to return to disbelief the way he hates to be thrown into the fire." (Bukhari)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Quran verse posted at US Harvard Varsity

Quran verse posted at US Harvard Varsity

The US Harvard University has posted a verse of the Holy Quran at the entrance of its faculty of law, describing the verse as one of the greatest expressions for justice in history, a Saudi newspaper reported on Sunday.
Verse 135 of Sura Al Nisa (women chapter) has been posted at a wall facing the faculty’s main entrance, dedicated to the best phrases said about justice.

A Saudi student who studies at Harvad published a picture of the poster in his Twitter page, according to the Saudi Arabic language daily Ajel.

“I noticed that the verse was posted by the faculty of law, which described it as one of the greatest expressions for justice in history,” Abdullah Jumma said.

Harvard University was established in Cambridge, Massachusetts, in 1636 as the oldest institution of higher learning in the United States.

Kidnappers and Aafia

Kidnappers and Aafia

OPINION by Yvonne Ridley - The only thing that surprised me when I heard that the Algerian kidnappers had called for the release of Dr Aafia Siddiqui was that it hadn’t happened sooner. Don’t get me wrong, as a former hostage myself, there is no way I condone the actions of what has unfolded in a remote corner of the Algerian desert.

And my heart goes out to the families of those who have lost loved ones in the unfolding drama at a gas plant siege said to have been mastermindedby Mohktar Belmokhtar. The infamous one-eyed Algerian militant apparently with ties to al Qaida, has claimed responsibility for launching Wednesday’s attack. It also goes without saying there is no way the kidnappers, whether politically or criminally motivated, can be justified in their actions.

But an injustice is an injustice and as the only western journalist to have specifically gone to Afghanistan to investigate the case of Dr Aafia Siddiqui, I have to say her plight has become a cause célèbre around the Muslim world. And I have an uncomfortable feeling that more and more westerners will be kidnapped as their captors demand the release of Dr Aafia Siddiqui, a woman I once called the most wronged in the world.

So just who is Dr Aafia Siddiqui and why is a group of North Africans calling for her release? Well it’s very easy to get emotional about a wronged Muslim woman caught up in the War on Terror but I am not basing my case on emotion just some simple cold, hard facts and forensic evidence … or lack of it, but more of that and her bizarre story  later.

Her family will certainly not be pleased that a group of Algerian terrorists have called for her release because it will give a perception in some quarters that Dr Aafia must be an Islamic extremist. It’s a narrative pushed by US intelligence although it has to be said in her trial the opening statement of the prosecutor stated quite clearly that she was not al-Qaida nor a terrorist sympathiser.

The case of the mother-of-three is well known in every household in Pakistan from the most religious to the most secular … the majority of which have been demanding her repatriation for years. Now she is known as the Daughter of the Nation although her story has travelled well beyond Pakistan’s borders. Thousands of Muslim children have been named after her because of all that she has come to symbolise. Everything that she represents stems from the injustices created by America’s War on Terror … the kidnaps, renditions, torture, rape and waterboarding.

The brilliant academic, educated in top US universities, is tonight languishing in a Texan jail serving an 86 year sentence after being found guilty of trying to kill American soldiers. The fact they shot her at close range and nearly killed her is often overlooked. To their eternal shame, the US soldiers serving in Afghanistan claimed in court under oath that the diminutive, fragile academic leapt at them from behind a prison cell curtain, snatching one of their guns to shoot and kill them. It was a fabricated story that any defence lawyer worth his or her salt would have ripped apart at the seams.

The scenario painted in court was incredulous and more importantly, the evidence non-existent – no gunshot residue on her hands or clothes, no bullets from the discharged gun, no fingerprints belonging to Dr Aafia on the gun … other vital evidence removed by US military from the scene went missing before the trial. Come on, we’ve all seen episodes of CSI – the science doesn’t lie.

After being patched up in a medical wing in Bagram, she was then renditioned to America to stand trial for an alleged crime committed in Afghanistan. Flouting the Vienna and Geneva Conventions, she wasn’t given consular access until the day she made her first court appearance. The trial was held in New York, a stone’s throw from where the Twin Towers once stood making it impossible not to invoke the memories of that horrific day on September 11 which for some forever turned Muslims into Public Enemy Number One.

A lack-lustre legal team forced on Dr Aafia by the US authorities failed to sway the jury of her innocence, despite the overwhelming scientific evidence that she could not have snatched a soldier’s gun, let alone pulled the trigger. I went into the cell a few weeks after the shooting in July 2008 and discovered that the soldiers had panicked and sprayed the room with bullets as they struggled to flee. The evidence is there on film shot during my visit and handed over to the defence team.

Seeing Dr Aafia emerge unshackled and unhooded from behind a curtain caused blind panic among the young soldiers who had been briefed by the FBI they were going to arrest one of the most dangerous women in the world. I interviewed eyewitnesses, senior Afghan police officers who one after another told me what happened. Yet the only Afghan brought to court to give testimony against her was the FBI’s translator who now has a green card and lives in New York with his family.

What the jury was not told is that Dr Aafia, and her three children, all aged under five at the time, had been kidnapped from a street near their home in Karachi and disappeared from 2003. The FBI put out a story at the time that she had in fact gone on a jihad to Afghanistan – it was a ludicrous tale without foundation and, as every mother of young children knows, a journey to the local corner shop with toddlers is a monumental challenge so heading off to fight in Afghanistan with a pram, pushchair and toddler in hand is simply inconceivable.

The FBI narrative was destroyed by Boston-based Elaine Whitfield Sharp, a lawyer hired by the Siddiqui family when Dr Aafia first disappeared. The missing years of the academic’s life reveal a story which is now known to virtually everyone in the Muslim world where she is widely regarded as a victim of George W Bush’s War on Terror.

As she tried to tell the jury how she was held in secret prisons, with no legal representation, cut off from the outside world since 2003 where brutal interrogation techniques were used to break her down, she was silenced by the judge who said he was only interested in the cell shooting incident. Judge Richard Berman, a modest little man with much to be modest about, insisted he was not interested in the missing years; it had no relevance to the case he insisted.

She testified that after completing her doctorate studies she taught in a school, and that her interest was in cultivating the capabilities of dyslexic and other special needs children. She emerged as a humanity-loving nurturer and educator, the gentle yet resolute seeker for truth and justice. As the evidence continued we learned that she didn’t know where her three children were – it was sensational content for those who knew the real story. She talked of her dread and fear of being handed back to the Americans when she was arrested in Ghazni and was held by police.

Terrified that yet another secret prison was waiting for her she revealed how she peaked through the curtain divider into the part of the room where Afghans and Americans were talking, and how when a startled American soldier noticed her, he jumped up and yelled that the prisoner was loose, and shot her in the stomach. She described how she was also shot in the side by a second person. She also described how after falling back onto the bed in the room, she was violently thrown to the floor and lost consciousness.

This ties in exactly with what I was told by the counter terrorism police chief I interviewed in Afghanistan back in the autumn of 2008 – I remember him laughing as he told me how the US soldiers panicked, shot randomly in the air as they stampeded out of the room in a blind panic. Of course there’s no way a bunch of soldiers are going to admit they lost it, but according to those I interviewed for my film “In search of Prisoner 650  in Afghanistan” that’s exactly what happened.

Two of her missing children have since been found and reunited with their extended family in Karachi. It is still not clear where the children were held when they were snatched from a street in Karachi but there’s no disguising their American accents … possibly picked up from their jailers. So why did the FBI want to speak to Dr Aafia in the first place and why did they portray her as a dangerous terrorist on the run? if she was the person they painted why wasn’t she charged with terrorism offences and why was the prosecutor at pains to point out that she was not al Qaida?

The bottom line is Dr Aafia Siddiqui should not be in prison and as long as this injustice continues she will become a rallying call for anyone who wants to pick a fight with America. Acknowledging the injustice and returning Dr Aafia to her home in Pakistan will not stop extremists from causing terror, but it might make the lives of US citizens a lot safer if this wrong is put to right.

Yvonne Ridley is a British journalist and a patron of Cageprisoners, as well as being the European president of the International Muslim Women’s Union and the Vice President of the European Muslim League. She is best known for her capture by the Taliban and subsequent conversion to Islam after release.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Khadijah RA.

Khadijah RA. Just saying her name instantly inspires me to want to be a stronger Muslimah, to sacrifice more, to discover her hidden strength and beauty she gave to her husband.

Who was this amazing, strong, beautiful, brilliant, pious and noble woman? I don’t mean who was she in the Seerah text, but who was she? What was it like to be her friend, what events shaped her life? What would it have been like to sit down with her over a meal and talk? What kind of advice could she tell me about marriage, Mr. Right, and living until your last breath is gone, all for the sake of Allah?

It is because of her that our Deen begins with a legacy that starts, after Rasullah, with a woman. After the Mercy of Allah (glorified and exalted be He), it is because of her sacrifices that we are Muslims today. She gave everything she had, all that she owned, from her hands, heart, and soul for Islam.

But to appreciate this beautiful opportunity she had, we have to go back to a very significant moment in time. That moment is when she asked her maid servant to inquire about the young man who was working for her to see if he was available for marriage and would consider her. A man who had a beautiful character and was honest, hardworking, trustworthy and produced amazing results for her business.

Khadijah RA asked.

Khadijah RA, may Allah’s Mercy be upon her, asked about Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) for marriage.

She initiated the communication.

She sent someone on her behalf to find out if he was available for marriage.

And it was because she asked, that she got that blessed answer.

And with that answer, was the beginning of one of the greatest stories of love for all times, and also one of the greatest examples of a true Muhsina and Mu’mina.

A woman older than him, previously married with children, was inquiring about a younger bachelor, from one of the best tribes in town. The honor of his acceptance wasn’t just hers alone. It was his too. He was going to marry one of the most beautiful hearts in all of Mecca. A woman whose heart would sacrifice everything she had to support him and Islam.

Khadijah RA asked.

Today, you’re probably wondering when and how you will get married. You go to school, maybe then graduate school, and after this begin a career. As time passes, the pressure begins to set in to get married. But out there in the world, you see many single and available brothers that you could consider as a Mr. Right potential.

What I want you to realize, is that many Mr. Right potentials, have no idea you’re available for marriage, ready to settle down, have time for a husband, or willing to accept him for where he is right now in his career and education. After all, few brothers in their early 20s will have enough income saved up for a luxury wedding, vacation, apartment and car all at once. But I meet sisters who tell me that this isn’t the main issue, that they can wait while he builds his career and financial situation.

How is he ever going to know that you don’t mind letting him build things up over time? After all, he is living under the impression of the same cultural status that you are.

I recently surveyed the brothers on our Practimate list and told them I was teaching you to be proactive, similar to Khadijah RA, in finding a husband, by sending a third party to inquire on their behalf, whether a mahram or a trusted friend. I asked them if they thought this was weird, desperate or something they would consider offensive.

Their responses broke the common myth!

One brother said,

“It will be more helpful if the word is “out there” in an appropriate manner. I feel like the present times are a bit in transition where old systems are failing (the waiting game) and new systems are coming into play, and we are held up between the two. For my parents’ time the waiting thing worked as it had the right setting from every perspective…”

Another brother said,

“A girl needs to put all the “games” aside and just be real with people. If that means that she tells her family about the brother…so they can talk with him, so be it. In fact, if a sister’s family or someone she knows came to me telling me that a sister is interested in me, I would at the very least check it out; I would take the opportunity seriously. Khadijah RA sent someone to speak with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) about marriage…she took the initiative, this also shows that a women is strong and willing to take charge when needed. The sister has to be a REAL, genuine person, down to earth (for it to work.)”

In general, the idea of you sending someone, respectably speaking, to inquire with tactfulness, and in a good manner – not a “I have a friend who likes you” mentality, but again, with maturity and modesty, is something a mature man, ready for marriage, will appreciate. Only 1% of the brothers who responded didn’t agree with my recommendation. And it’s not that he disagreed, just felt that men should be more pro-active themselves, if they really want to be married.

So why not pursue Mr. Right like Khadijah RA?

Sadly, we have ignored this example (and others) from Islam of women sending a “messenger” to inquire on their behalf about marriage. That they were proactively involved in the marriage process. Sisters accuse others of being desperate when they let others know they are looking to get married. Families believe that a daughter must be sought after and it is shameful for a daughter and her family to approach a man for marriage.

And so, many beautiful, smart, educated and talented women are waiting and waiting for Mr. Right to knock on their father’s door. And in the silence of a new beautiful day, when no one is looking you may feel sad and despair. Of course, you know all things are in the hands of Allah (glorified and exalted be He). Of course you know that there is reward in sabr, but you are like everyone else on the planet. A desire to marry, and one day to begin a new family. So rather than judgment and a discussion on the ideal bubble we all “should” be living in:

It’s time to re-examine our value system, and not forbid or look down upon something approved of and practiced by the best man on the face of the earth, and our Mother for all believers, one of the best women in human history.

The re-examination process, begins with you.

If you are ready to consider an alternative option for seeking out Mr. Right, then first, I want to mention that there are rules to this pro-active approach.

Here are some guidelines to follow if you are considering being the pro-active person in initiating marriage dialogue.

1) Never initiate something without having a wali or mahram having complete knowledge of what is going on.

This protects you and the potential Mr. Right from ending up in a situation not pleasing to Allah (glorified and exalted be He). You want to go through this process in a halal and dignified manner.

2) Send someone you trust to ask on your behalf, without initially revealing your identity.

This way, you know if the brother is even available before revealing your personal information. One brother mentioned in the survey responses, that it’s great to give a brother a heads up that someone is interested, because if he is talking to another sister already, then he can let the messenger know, and if it doesn’t work out, he can come back and also let her know.

If he is interested, then have your “go between” share who you are, and ask the brother how you and your wali can contact him – but communication should always go back to your wali or mahram.

3) Pray istikharah.

We ask Allah (glorified and exalted be He) to guide us daily every time we say “Ihdina Siratul-Mustaqeem” in Salah, but we are also blessed to have a special du’a just for making decisions.

The reality is that many brothers out there desperately want to get married, but feel there are so many hurdles to overcome to get there.

The first hurdle, is fearing rejection. Women tend to think men always have their act all put together, but they have their own batch of insecurities and fears. It may make things easier for a man to consider you when he already knows you are interested. And if he isn’t, he will be more confident in pursuing the right person for him in the future.

And what about you? Doesn’t this put you on the line to face rejection. Of course it does, but you have two choices. Do nothing, wait and handle the challenges of just waiting, which is fine if this is the path you want to take. Or do something, be pro-active, possibly meet your Mr. Right and handle the challenges of asking.

In every other area of ‘ibahadah, we don’t sit down and wait for it to come. For Hajj we save, for money we work, for knowledge we seek it out. Marriage doesn’t have to be an exception.

Because Khadijah RA asked, you could too.