A Real 'Model' (Pious Women)

(Ummu Kulthoom, the daughter of Faatimah [radhiyallahu ‘anhuma] – Part One)   Can one comprehend the greatness of a woman who bears the following credentials? 1. Maternal grandfather – The paragon of Allah Ta‘ala’s creation, Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). 2. Father – The lion of Allah Ta‘ala, Sayyiduna ‘Ali (radhiyallahu ‘anhu).  3. Mother – The queen of paradise, Sayyidah Faatimah (radhiyallahu ‘anha). 4. Brothers – The leaders of the youth of paradise, Sayyiduna Hasan and Sayyiduna Husain (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma). 5. Husband – The great leader of this Ummah, Sayyiduna ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhu).      Talk of ‘being spoilt for choice’ - She was even ‘spoilt for choice’ regarding who will perform her funeral prayer! On the one hand was her brother, Hasan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), and on the other hand was her step son, ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) – both illustrious personalities. Finally, at the instruction of Hasan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) stepped forward and lead the salaah. (Al-Istee‘aab vol. 4, pg. 510)  This is true nobility and a role model that needs to be emulated. However, the sad reality is that most of us are unaware that a woman by this name even existed. Insha-Allah, in the next few parts, various details and incidents from the life of this true role model will be discussed so that we may follow in her great footsteps.  (to be continued insha-Allah)

35+ and still single? New year, New YOU!

The beginning of a new year usually signals a spring clean. It’s also a time to clear out emotional clutter, and hopefully make resolutions to become better versions of ourselves. At the beginning of this new year 1437 Hijri, Umm Abdillah from Radio Islam examines factors that could be hindering women and men over 35 years of age from finding a suitable partner.

Aboard the Fate Bus

Belief in Qadr or Taqdeer (Divine Will and Fate) is one of the pillars of the Islamic faith. What is meant by al-Qadr is that Allah Ta’ala has decreed all things and they unfold according to His decree.

To understand Qadr or Taqdeer we need the sincere belief that Allah loves us and will never want to cause us any harm. Allah is the Most Kind, the Most Caring, The Most Compassionate and the Most Loving.

Marriage too is one of the things that Allah has decreed. Allah knows the person whom we will marry, whom he or she is, when they were born, where and when they will die, and how they will turn towards us. As we don’t know what is decreed for us, our job is to adhere closely to Allah’s commands and prohibitions. At the same time we have to seek the help of Allah and pray to Him for our wants and needs. Marriage is not a benchmark of success or acceptance in the sight of Allah. Postponed prospects merely indicate that Allah intends our focus, sacrifices and efforts in other realms.

Taqdeer is not however contradicted by implementing all permissible means to find a life partner. While prayer, dua, and adhering to the Shariah have their place, this article looks at how we can help ourselves.

Women over 35

By the time anyone is 35 they know themselves better, be it life dreams, goals and personality. Most people over 35 are more mature, less anxious, and less likely to freak out over little things. Also, they’ve learned how precious love, life, and marriage is, so able to appreciate this rite more acutely.

However, according to popular and world-renown counsellor and therapist, Mary Jo Rapini, many beautiful, successful, educated and healthy women over the age of thirty-five who would make the ‘perfect’ wife are still very single.

These women often think their problem rests with the opposite gender. They mention that men in their age range want younger, less established women, or prefer cougars who are self-made and don’t need the man’s financial backing, or his ability to procreate in order to share a life together. Her counselling experience has shown her otherwise.

As a therapist she has isolated that many times the way women feel toward themselves or what they project outwardly may be what is actually limiting their ability to find a suitable partner for marriage.

Many of us don’t understand that how we feel inside projects on the outside. If we feel cynical, judgmental or unhappy, no matter how much we spend on clothes or personal trainers, expensive holidays, or diet fads; our looks and energies will reflect how we feel.

Men over 30

While many think thirty-something single women are the only ones stressed about their dwindling options for marriage and kids, it turns out that their male counterparts are beginning to stress even earlier.

It’s been called ‘mangst” or “manxiety.” Both describe the bouts of anxiety single men in their thirties feel about their marital status. Manxiety stems, in large part, from doing life math. It sounds like this: “If I haven’t met the girl today, I’d probably be 60 when my son or daughter goes to grade R or matric.”

According to 2012 research from the Pew Research Center, the share of middle-age to older men—those over 35—who say that a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their life has increased nine percentage points since 1997 and is nearly equal (36 percent) to women in that demographic.

Help Yourself

Below are three areas of self-improvement that can possibly be addressed.

1. Become less critical.

Life may have taught you to become wary, cautious and critical, but it can often come across as being unkind. Men like a confident woman who is capable of loving herself and others. Likewise, while women may respect powerful men, they don’t like mean men.

2. Adapt that measurement standard.

According to therapists, sexual attraction is important, but with regards a husband, what is most important is honesty and character. One study referenced reported that the healthiest marriages were those where the woman was the looker, not the man. So if you have a particular “cute level” they must achieve, you need to look in the mirror again with your makeup washed off, because this is the way your partner will see you each morning.

3. Like yourself

Women who are single and over a certain age become very self-conscious. They begin to see all of their flaws (especially with looks). Their world becomes very self-centered. The more this happens, the more they repel others. Finding themselves alone, they begin to think they don’t deserve anyone. When a man is looking for a wife, any vibes of self-hate come through loud and clear. The outcome? How can you love them if you can’t love yourself?

Marriage is a commitment and a lifestyle; the vows are very sacred. Preparing ourselves to be a good partner instead of focusing on how messed up single men or women are over 35 years of age are is a good start. Self-Improvement: a good start to the new year 1437 H, if there ever was one!

Story of Khadijah RA & Nabi Muhammad SAW

Story of Khadijah RA & Nabi Muhammad SAW (series) - From a Noblewoman of Quraysh to a Social Pariah


Khadijah & Muhammad: The Story of Love & Faith (1)

25-Year-Old Muhammad Marries 40-Year-Old Khadijah (2)

Khadijah & Muhammad's Life: Love Into Action (3)

Muhammad Seeks Sanctuary in the Arms of Khadijah (4)

Khadijah & Muhammad: Life After Revelation (5)

The Answer to Every Woman’s Complaint

The Answer to Every Woman’s Complaint Asmaa’ bintu Yazeed Al-Ansaariyyah (radhiyallahu ‘anha), a Sahaabiyyah from the Banu ‘Abdil Ash-hal clan, once approached Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) while he was seated among the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) and addressed him in the following words: “May my father and mother be sacrificed for you! I have come to you as a representative of all women. May my life be sacrificed for you! Every single woman, in the east and west, whether she has heard that I will come to you or not, will have exactly the same question as myself. Verily Allah Ta‘ala has sent you with the truth to men and women. We brought imaan in you and in Allah Ta‘ala who deputed you. We, the women, live with restrictions and limitations. We don’t leave the confines of our homes. We allow you to fulfill your needs with us, and we bear your children. You, the men, have been favoured by your being able to attend the jumu‘ah salaah and other salaahs in congregation. You are able to visit the sick and be present at funerals. You perform hajj after hajj and even more virtuous than that is your fighting in the path of Allah Ta‘ala. When any of you men leave your home to perform hajj or ‘umrah or to guard the borders of the Islamic territories, it is none other than us women who protect your wealth for you. We sew your clothes for you. We raise and care for your children. Don’t we have a share in your reward O Rasul of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam)?” On hearing the complaint of this woman, Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) turned his face towards the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) and asked,“Have you ever heard a woman ask a question regarding her deen more excellent than the question of this woman?” The Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) replied, “O Rasul of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam)! We never imagined that a woman could be inspired to ask a question of this nature!” Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) turned back to her and said, “Return, O woman, and inform all the women you represent that for you to display excellent conduct with your husband, seek to keep him happy and try your utmost to comply with his ways will equal all the deeds you mentioned.” Asmaa’ (radhiyallahu ‘anha) was so delighted to hear this, that as she walked away she continued to exclaim “Allahu Akbar!” and “La ilaaha illallah!”. (Shu‘abul Imaan #8369) Lessons: 1. Having a different role to a man does not make a woman backward or suppressed in any way. She has an equal chance to strive for the Aakhirah by fulfilling the role Allah Ta‘ala has chalked out for her. It is actually easier for a woman to earn Jannah as all her efforts are made from the comfort of her home. 2. Fridges are designed to fulfill one purpose and stoves are designed for another. A good fridge is one that keeps its contents chilled and a good stove is one that generates sufficient heat to cook. If a stove is cold or a fridge becomes hot, they will both be considered “out of order”. Similarly, men and women are different in the purposes for which they were designed. Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) therefore taught us that a woman who fulfills her purpose – which largely revolves around her remaining in the home - will actually receive the same reward as that man who leaves his home to fulfill his purpose – which largely involves leaving the home. A woman wishing to behave like a man by adopting the acts of worship specific to him is like a stove behaving like a fridge – out of order.