Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Creating Awareness

Salaams My Dear Readers,

I received this from a sister who was in this situation. I read this a few times and each time it shock me to my core...I'm speechless :(

What's your take on this??

As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a young muslim girl, who writes to you, not to criticize, northrough anger or disdain, but through a heartfelt concern and worryfor my fellow muslimah sisters. As our Ulema and educators in both deen and life, I feel you arefailing our generation by failing to discuss the all too prevalent, although taboo, topic of homosexuality in our community. It has gone past the point of just a few isolated incidents and is nowa full blown fitnah, ravaging the homes of innocents. Indeed experience is the best teacher, and I have been a student of its bitter lessons. Just a few short months back, I was ecstatic and excited, eagerly anticipating my marriage to my “prince charming.”

Little, did I know that the “prince” was infact a “princess.” The marriage too place, followed by the abuse, the evidence of his affair with his gay partner, the denial, the breakdown and finally the divorce. It was a divorce I welcomed and had been denied as his family feared the revelation of their son’s truth. It was not a truth unknownto them, but rather a problem they hoped marriage would fix. Of course it did not, I played the role of a beautiful curtain, veiling the truths of their home and I returned to my own home untouched.

Alhumdulillah, yet another blessing, Allah saving me from the many STD’s and maintaining my modesty. Although he was engaged in homosexuality, he still practiced Islam, even performing the Umrah, leading me to believe that perhaps he assumed it acceptable. I failed to understand how he could stand before Allah in Salaah, knowing his actions.

I only later found out that he dabbled with rohypnol, alsoknown as the “date rape” drug, which leaves you with no memory of the night’s activities. He painted me out to be a materially obsessed demanding woman and even went as far as negotiating to give me a business they owned in lieu of my return to his home. Would that not equate me to a prostitute?

Yet again, I saw my worth in their eyes. Even money can only buy so much. I was married for just over 4 months and most memories still send shudders through my heart. At the beginning of the marriage I turned to Allah in dua,“Oh Allah, turn my husband’s heart towards me, bless us in this marriage.”

By the third month I could bear no more and my dua evolved to, “OhAllah, You have knowledge over all, if there is any good in this keepme in it, but if not then Oh Allah take this from me and me from this.”Alhumdulillah, I am free of the lies, deceit, fitnah and abuse. It has been more than 6 months since the nightmare ended and yet in this short time there have been 5 more talaaqs due to this same reason. These five are only people I know of and those brave enough to speak up. How many more women have lived or are living the nightmare, only Allah knows best.

We often chat and support each other and in every case the parents were aware that their sons were gay. This has spurred me to share my story and with the deepest concern request thatyou create awareness of this issue.The role of the Ulema is to lead, now when people are falling into error, you should not remain silent. Many in our muslim communitystill believe that a muslim boy can never be gay. They need to realize that this is no longer the case and any prospective groom should be thoroughly investigated.

Furthermore, the community and family members should be encouraged to expose these gay boys, before they ruin yet anothers girl’s life. I accept that Islam doesn’t encourage us to expose the faults of others, but in this case would it not be allowed, if not commendable? However, simply exposing them will not solve the problem. They were born muslim, let them not die without Imaan!!

Those who are willing should be guided and embraced back into the arms of deen. We all make mistakes, but they should know that even though they may have fallen into error, the door of tawba and reform is open. The Ulema should open their doors to them and provide them with the required guidance and leadership. Where drug addicts are sent into a rehab, even these gay boys should be rehabilitated and reprogrammed to live as Muslims. Furthermore, parents must be encouraged not to lie about the true nature of their sons, but rather to seek real help for them. By hiding their faults, they are indirectly enabling and encouraging them, giving the message that do what you choose, just don’t let anyone see you or find out.

It was very poignant that whilst I wasmarried, the neighbours were jamaati’s. That is our reality. Our Ulema go across the globe in jamaat and da’wah activities, yet our own youth are losing the deen. Indeed, ignorance is bliss. Whatever happened, has happened. It is the will of Allah. The test is from Allah, the ultimate and only Judge is Allah.

I cannot change the destiny of anyone, yet if through greaterawareness even one Muslimah can be saved from a false marriage then I ask you to please bring due attention to this matter and help this Ummah to find its feet and stay firm on the fertile soil of true and pure Islam.

Yours sincerely,
An optimistic sister

1 comment:

Dreamlife said...

JazakAllah for sharing that shocking story. It's so easy for us to just ignore it and think: "That kind of thing doesn't happen to OUR people". But the reality is that we live in a society like this, and we have the same exposure to the popular culture that the others do - and if our parents, elders, and ulama cannot wake up to the reality and actually DO something meaningful about it, then they are failing us - and we, the youth, need to take the lead.

I don't think it's something to pin completely on the ulama. The responsibility for guiding them back is not on the ulama alone. It's the parents - first and foremost, as well as the family members.

As for the ulama, i believe a lot of the time that some youngsters (and people in general) don't listen is that their style of teaching / preaching just isn't effective. Some of them use a very dogmatic approach, and some speak down on the audience and believe that their mere status as an alim means that the listener must respect them and must follow their advice.

And the reality is that this is not true. It doesn't happen - people don't listen just because you're an alim. Some even become more rebellious BECAUSE of that.

I think for ulama especially, they need to really, really make the effort to go on communication courses, study marketing and psychology, and just take in all these techniques so that they can come up with presentation methods that are EFFECTIVE.

You don't need to 'sell out' to these 'secular' teachings - beneficial knowledge is beneficial knowledge; wherever it comes from. Adopt that which is good and in line with the deen, and discard that which is bad or not useful.

The message is Islam - and that's 100% perfect. But it's how you say it - how you teach it - that's the key.

And that's where I think our communities would benefit tremendously - if our ulama would really do a top class job of updating their styles if they find that their style doesn't work.

Look at the charismatic, popular Islamic speakers and learn from them - learn how to truly connect with your audience.

Just look at the impact someone like Mufti Menk has. He's a perfect example of a strong message plus an effective speaking style - all of that built on a foundation of deen.