Am I Losing Focus..?
The newly wed can't spend time away from each other...I remember the days I couldn't sleep if he wasn't home, I couldn't eat if he hadn't eaten...Even in a family gathering my heart wouldn't rest if i couldn't catch a glimpse of him...My husband was the centre of my world...
My happiness, my better half and then it all changed...Well, in a good way.
After a few years we were blessed with a beautiful baby. We were ecstatic! Our home was now warmer filled with giggles, lots more love and light...Oh, not forgetting late nights, diapers, sleepless nights, feeding through the night, needing a bath at 1am because you got spewed all over... and just as you were about to finally place your head down the sound of poop vibrated the cot next to you...
Yup motherhood is awesome but comes with the extra jihaad of self-subservience that comes so naturally Subhan'Allah... The initial days were tough. My world centred around my baby. Did I feed her? Is she ok? Does she need a change? Am I good enough? I have to do more... and then just as the days began to ease up, we were blessed with the shocking news of another baby... I was pregnant. ..AGAIN!
In so many ways do destiny took its cause and we were blessed with a baby girl... Shukr to Allah!
2 babies crying at night... 2 diapers to change... 2 small mouths to feed, 2 babies to care for to worry about... and yet I myself - am coming to terms with my bloated body... not bathing till 11pm... not cooking... not giving myself time...
I got many visitors who came to see mainly who the babies look like... then came along a good friend one day who spoke words hard to hear yet deep and so important. She too had babies although not as close as mines... yet she had her hands full non the less. She told me she did't realize it but through the months and years that passed she had invested her love and dedication to her girls... and as she was seated beside her husband and got up to tend to yet another chore, her husband sorrowfully mourned..."I don't matter anymore..."
At first I was annoyed with her advice and continued my way of a dedicated mum...but I didn't realize I had imprisoned myself between between my babies and just needing desperate sleep...I had indeed neglected my husband (not intentionally thought yet somehow I had)... My better half, My companion.
He was isolated coming home to a tired wife and leaving home from a tired wife... I didn't realize my neglect of him eventually made him neglectful to me too...
This is my message is for every mum out there... Allah (swt) gifts us our children however we should never forget the one who has more rights over us...Our Husband
- Its tough in the start but how will he ever know if you dont sit with him and speak?
- How will your husband be able to understand you without subtle communication?
We lose ourselves in our duties but Allah (swt) has instructed our duties towards the husband... Not as an obligation nor a chore... but to maintain that muwadda and to protect that rahmah that Allah (swt) has blessed us.
Don't neglect your husband... even if its just a final cup of tea at the end of the day... or a light innocent conversation for at least half an hour each evening...
A walk in the garden holding hands or just sitting beside him thankfully and lovingly... To make him happy and to please our Creator.
Men can be our biggest babies and they will always need respect, time, love and attention.
One day, the children will be grown up and we may be left alone with our faithful friend, Aameen...
We may get caught up in our work but they are still the same husband who still needs you... and you need him too. So build the relationship. Remember that happiness and joy comes only from our Creator❤
May Allah make us mindful of our Husbands - Aameen