Pregnancy resources for Muslim moms + FREE Printable (Re-blogged from Shahira)

Pregnancy resources for Muslim moms + FREE Printable Re-blogged from Shahira

This is the second blog post under Resources for Muslim moms. In this section, we talk about videos, courses, books and colouring booklet catering to the Muslim pregnant women.

Pregnancy is a life-changing and defining phase of one's life and as practising Muslim women, we should be aware of the Islamic rules and practices to be mindful of during this period of our life. Here I am sharing some of the resources that I have personally used and has helped me. Pregnancy is a mind-body connection, the more aware and mindful we are of it, the better outcomes we often have. Educating ourselves about not only the physical strength of the human body but also the resilient energy of the human mind will help us in having a positive experience.

Pregnancy resources for Muslim moms

1) Fiqh of Pregnancy and Newborns by Sheikh Omer Suleiman

I came across this pearl of information during my first pregnancy and it helped me immensely. These lectures explain in detail about all the rulings concerning pregnancy, birth control, abortions - when it is permissible and when it is not, bringing up a child with Ihsan and Iman, the high level a pregnant woman is considered, Aqeeqah, Tahneek and other newborn practices. This covers the entire dos and donts of what a pregnant woman should know and do.

The Ilmflix website where I first came across this seems to have been taken down but there are many YouTube videos of the same. This playlist has all the episodes.

2) Amani Birth - A centre of Birth and Learning

You might have heard of Amani birth books and classes through Facebook groups. I first came across this via a review shared on Sisters magazine

From the review -  It was the AMANI birth preparation CD and booklet that gave me a sense of direction. It guided me in a way that stayed true to my religious beliefs. It is short but very much to the point, and it uses Islamic references all the way through to help me understand that labour is something I could survive. The booklet is 32 pages long and is divided into neat sections. I particularly enjoyed reading the thoughtful note for fathers, advice for that initial breastfeed, and the section that is dedicated to relevant and much-needed supplications.

After interacting with an admin on the Amani Facebook page, they said the books are available in Qatar in Jarir bookstores or we can buy it online from their website. I haven't got time to explore Jarir yet! Hope to get a copy soon.

3) Inherent Birth Pregnancy colouring and affirmation books for Muslimahs

I came across this book when sis Haifa shared it on her Facebook page. I fell in love with this idea and concept especially since it caters to the Muslim women directly.

I recently came across the concept of Positive Affirmations and I know it has already changed my mindset. It is just reaffirming in your mind what your body is already capable of. So I am pretty glad to find an affirmation booklet with the Islamic theme. Want a free e-book titled - Positive Pregnancy Affirmation for Muslim Women - scroll below!

Colouring as I stated before -  COLOURING BOOKS reduces anxiety and creates focus thus relieving stress in a manner similar to meditation. Concentrating on colouring may facilitate the replacement of negative thoughts and images with pleasant ones. Colouring books can be used in daily activity and are a way to get away from technology, which some regard as beneficial to people’s health.

So hopefully this is an excellent resource for pregnant moms around.

4) Faithful birthing by Heileen Zein - Online Teachable courses

A course designed by a Muslimah Doula and childbirth coach for pregnant Muslimah around. The courses via teachable are geared to Muslim women and are from an Islamic perspective. The sister has compiled the video series to provide Muslimah sisters ease in gaining access to crucial information that would immensely help them in having a successful VBAC/Natural birth. There is another course that will help women heal from traumatic birth related experiences. It will include a video series and a workbook that will serve as a guide throughout the process of healing.

She also provides online birth and life coaching services that brings a real and positive transformation to the Muslim women community. She has an active Facebook group catering to support for Pregnant Muslimah - Faithful Birthing

5)Ina May Gaskin- Guide to childbirth

This is not a book with an Islamic theme. In all honesty, there are some uncensored photos. But this book is the most recommended reading material by childbirth educators around the world for women wanting a natural, intervention- free birth and those trying for a VBAC. I can understand why! Having just finished reading it, I am so totally enamoured after knowing the actual physical strength of a woman's body and I am sad I didn't know about this fact during my first pregnancy. It begins with positive birth stories and then explains in details about how labour is done in the Farm community, a community headed by Ina May. It talks about the mind-body connections, the effect medical intervention has on the body and labour and age-old techniques and practices used during labour in different cultures of the world. (I have always been curious in Surah Maryam Verse 25 why Allah commands Maryam AS to shake the palm tree - probably there is a reason for it - aids in the final stage of labour!)  If you are pregnant and want to have a natural birth or be informed about it, get hold of this book!

 POSITIVE PREGNANCY AFFIRMATION FOR MUSLIM WOMEN - FREE E-BOOK

 Are your pregnant? Do you want a list of positive pregnancy affirmations that help you direct your thoughts back to Allah and keep the positive energy flowing?

CLICK HERE FOR A FREE PRINTABLE!

Profound Du‘aa of Ebrahim (‘alaihis salaam)

Profound Du‘aa of Ebrahim (‘alaihis salaam)   When Ebrahim (‘alaihis salaam) left his wife and infant child in the barren land of Makkah Mukarramah on the command of Allah Ta‘ala, he supplicated to Allah Ta‘ala in the following words: رَّبَّنَا إِنِّي أَسْكَنتُ مِن ذُرِّيَّتِي بِوَادٍ غَيْرِ ذِي زَرْعٍ عِندَ بَيْتِكَ الْمُحَرَّمِ رَبَّنَا لِيُقِيمُوا الصَّلَاةَ فَاجْعَلْ أَفْئِدَةً مِّنَ النَّاسِ تَهْوِي إِلَيْهِمْ وَارْزُقْهُم مِّنَ الثَّمَرَاتِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَشْكُرُونَ​ “O Allah, I have settled my progeny in a barren land (Makkah Mukarramah) by your sacred house, so that they may establish salaah. So make the hearts of the people yearn towards them and provide them with fruits, so that they may be grateful.” (Surah Ebrahim v37) This du‘aa contains the following important lessons: 1. After expressing weakness to Allah Ta‘ala, the first aspect he made du‘aa for was his family being punctual on salaah. This explains to us the importance of instructing and training our children to perform salaah. 2. He did not make du‘aa for Makkah Mukarramah to become a fertile land, rather he made du‘aa that Allah Ta‘ala himself arrange their sustenance. This was because Ebrahim (‘alaihis salaam) did not want his family to be pre-occupied in acquiring the world. His desire was for them to dedicate themselves to Allah Ta‘ala, while their worldly needs are taken care of. This teaches us that we should be more concerned about the deen of our children than their dunya. 3. He concluded the du‘aa by saying “so that they may be grateful”, implying that the outcome of these worldly comforts should be an increase in loyalty to Allah Ta‘ala and commitment to His deen. (Adapted from Ma‘aariful Quraan, vol. 5, pg. 253-254).

Who is the Sacrifice?

Who is the Sacrifice?

Yesterday, Ebrahim Alayhis Salaam stood ready, with knife in hand, to sacrifice his only child to secure Allah's pleasure. Today, we sacrifice every command of Allah for the happiness of our kids.

 

Affluenza! Affluenza is a term that describes a mental illness that develops in a child by a parent's excessive molly coddling which translates into reckless behaviour and an inability to understand the consequences of one's actions. This very condition was used in the recent defence of a 16 year old American youth who while drunk and stealing his father's vehicle killed four people and injured twelve others in a horrific collision.

 

While the prosecution was pushing for a 20 year imprisonment, the defence mellowed the judgement down to ten years in a psychiatric facility. The defence argued that due to the pampered lifestyle afforded to him by his wealthy parents who gave him everything and never set any limits, the teenager never learned that he was responsible for his actions and that his actions have consequences. Hence, he was not fully responsible for his actions.

 

This type of mentality surely rings a bell when one considers many of the youth in our own community. Many are the parents who instead of parenting the child, dote on his/her every wish and encourage a lifestyle of indulgence. Flashy cell phones are given to kids still in primary school, expensive vehicles as soon as they can drive and plentiful cash to throw around. If the kids get into trouble, even if they are at fault,  the parents throw their power and influence around so that he/she gets away scot-free, instead of using such opportunities to teach the kids responsibility. One wonders if these parents realise that they are sowing the seeds of destruction for those they love the most.

 

The following Hadith imparts a most powerful lesson, “Whoever seeks Allah's Pleasure at the expense of the people's displeasure, will win Allah's Pleasure and Allah will then cause the people to be pleased with him. And whoever seeks to please others at the expense of Allah's Displeasure, will draw the Displeasure of Allah and Allah will then cause the people to be displeased with him." (Ibn Hibban)

 

Is it then any surprise, that the very kids that were doted upon later become their parents’ greatest nightmares causing untold pain and grief? The time of Qurbani should be a moment of deep reflection in the upbringing of our kids. Yesterday, Ebrahim Alayhis Salaam stood ready, with knife in hand, to sacrifice his only child to secure Allah's pleasure. Today, we sacrifice every command of Allah for the happiness of our kids.

 

The Hadith teaches us, “No father has given his child a gift better than good character.”(Tirmizi)

Unfortunately for many, the idea of gifts have been restricted to objects of material value, yet the Hadith, time and again, informs us that real wealth is the wealth of the soul. Have we not witnessed, with our very eyes, people whose monetary value is in the millions but who are valueless as human beings? It is hard to imagine that loving parents would wish the same internal bankruptcy for their kids. Reality is sometimes stranger than fantasy.

 

This year when we put the knife on the animal's throat that we sacrifice to please Allah, reflect on the rest of your life. Are we sacrificing for Allah or are we sacrificing  Allah for others?

 

Jamiatul Ulama (KZN)
Council of Muslim Theologians

 

Why am I still not married?

Dear Readers,

 

This article highlights some of the issues we have within society.  Comments will be welcomed on what can we do to help our single brothers and sisters to find their spouse.

 

Why am I still not married?
I remember the chagrin and inner turmoil of being single and hopeful of marriage, back during my early twenties! Even after almost a decade of marriage, I still vividly remember the constant roller-coaster of emotions that the heart experiences every time a marriage proposal is negotiated.

One thinks: Is this the one?
Will this family/person be my future spouse/in-laws?

Sometimes the marriage negotiation process painstakingly goes on for months, only to culminate in nothing. Up go one’s dreams, hopes and aspirations about the future into thin air! Once again, it is back to square one.

Whether a young, single Muslim is a man or woman, if they are ardently desirous of completing half their Deen, the anguish and frustration (including sexual angst) they feel whenever another year of their life passes by without any impending nuptials on the horizon is, contrary to gender-discriminating cultural myths, similarly disconcerting and unnerving. Wherever in the world they might be, as the years pass and the number of fruitless marriage proposals grows, the singleton might begin to feel despondent and worn down by this trial of patience in their quest of completing half their Deen.

So what should one tell a young forlorn wannabe bride or groom when they justifiably ask:

“Why am I still unmarried?”

First of All: There Is Nothing Wrong with You!
Although self-confidence is, admittedly, an effective catalyst in finding a spouse, believe me when I tell you that you are not ugly, weird, unattractive, or unworthy of marriage! Allah Ta'ala created the beautiful, unique you, and if He decrees it, someone out there will agree to marry you just the way you are. So do not despair of Allah’s mercy, and remain positive that someone out there will like you and agree to marry you, insha’Allah. Even if you begin to believe that being short, overweight, shy or acne-skinned is a negative thing going against your favor in the marriage market, it is not, because a certain criteria of looks or education is not a pre-requisite for marriage, contrary to what older people might say.

Look around you at recently married or even older couples. Are all of them very good looking? Don’t both of the partners seem to have at least one physical defect or blemish? Does everyone you know in your social circle, who recently got married, look like they stepped off a fashion runway?

You will find a wide variety of “real couples” who break every stereotype in the book (and please, refrain from looking at celebrity couples and famous people!): husbands who are shorter than their wives; wives who are older than their husbands; cross-cultural marriages that are refreshingly functional; infertile couples who are very happily married; men who are in love with their plus-size or dark-skinned wives; wives who are more educated than their husbands; the list is endless. Never let others make you feel that if you are thirty-something and still not married, it is because either there is something wrong with you, or because Allah Ta'ala has decreed for you to forever remain single.

Divine Wisdom behind Perceived “Delays” in Marriage
In a world that is increasingly pressurizing everyone, from babies and children to adults, to achieve their personal milestones in life as early as possible, a righteous and single Muslim who is in his or her late twenties, thirties or forties might find themselves the target of unwarranted social stigmatization and cruel speculation:

“Why doesn’t anyone take a liking to her? Do you think she intimidates suitors because she is over-educated?”
“Do you think there is magic involved? Should we visit a spiritual specialist to find out?”
“Maybe he is socially awkward? Or could it be that big bald spot on his head that chases proposals away?”

Unless a single person is outright opposed to the idea of marriage for personal reasons, most of us tend to forget the natural law/principle that applies universally: everyone is different, and they come into this world with a different, unique, preordained decree. So, while most young people, Muslim or not, are able to find a spouse and get married in their teens or twenties, there is no unspoken or written rule that lays down a certain prerequisite age-range for the union, beyond which it supposedly becomes impossible for a person to marry, and be written off as “off the market or off the calender”.

Marriage can take place at any age in life, even at 50 or 60, as Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and many of his companions practically demonstrated.

It is also a fact that marriage will not happen within the first 2 or 3 decades of life for every one of us. So we should give more leeway and refrain from making blanket, generalized statements about our older, single brothers and sisters.

Becoming Mature and Responsible Enough First
It is not that Allah Ta'ala is not answering your du’as. Maybe He has already accepted your du’as for marriage with a righteous person, but it will actually happen practically after a few more years, when it is best and easiest for you to enter this sacred union with that person.

One of the main reasons why Allah Ta'ala might be delaying your marriage is to reach certain level of physical, intellectual, financial and emotional maturity. He knows everything about you that even you do not know, which is called ‘the Unseen’, or “ghaib” in Arabic.

Maybe He knows that were you to marry right now, within three months as you wish to, you will not succeed at married life because you are still too mentally immature, emotionally insecure, or financially unstable.

Maybe Allah Ta'ala is actually being kind towards you by delaying your marriage until the time is best – and surely none can know what He knows, for He sees ahead in our hidden futures – so rest assured, it doesn’t matter in the long run if you get married at 25 or 35, as long as it is a happy, productive and loving marriage, to the right person, who becomes your pillar of support in Deen and accelerates your quest for success in the Hereafter.

Da’wah Experience and Acquisition of Knowledge
There are some blessings and experiences in life that are more time dependent than others to be availed optimally e.g. seeking Islamic knowledge, which is best done in the early years of one’s life, when the brain and memory work better, and a person is more mentally alert and active.

Seeking Islamic knowledge can become more difficult after one takes on the responsibilities of marriage on one’s shoulders. This is because your spouse and children have Shar’i rights upon you, because of which you cannot tear yourself away from them for too long in order to devote yourself to seeking and imparting knowledge full-time.

Perhaps Allah Ta'ala wants you to seek more knowledge and engage in more active da’wah work before you settle down in married life. These precious years of your youth will never return, and insha’Allah, decades down the road, a more mature and wise you will cherish, like a priceless gem, every year of experience that you acquired in the fields of Islamic knowledge and da’wah before getting married.

Perhaps, later on, you might even thank Allah Ta'ala for giving you the free time and opportunity to gain knowledge of Islam before tying the knot, after practically witnessing the numerous benefits of applying that fruitful knowledge to your married life later on.

Better than Early Divorce
Many young people get married very early, only to get quickly divorced for a variety of reasons, emerging from the whole experience bitter and emotionally hurt, with painful marks on their psyche that take a long time to heal.

Many who have a child from such a marriage have to endure acrimonious feuds with their exes over child custody and alimony, and thenceforth face the challenges of being a single parent. They are left with many regrets, many painful memories, and much disdain if not outright hatred towards the institution of marriage in general. It often takes young divorcés several years to heal from their first bad experience, and become mentally ready to get married again.

It could be that your being single, which is a painful trial of patience in your eyes, is a blessing in disguise that is acting as a barrier between you and worse calamities and adversities. Perhaps all your earnest du’as for getting married, about which you might be wondering why they are not being answered by God, are actually averting from you graver problems and pitfalls that you are not even aware of.

Perhaps your single status is a great blessing, but in a way that only Allah Ta'ala knows, and you know not.


So rejoice that you are still single and desirous of getting married; that you are not a bitter divorcé who is sexually frustrated yet adamant about never getting married again!

Increase in Humility
Do you remember an “alpha” boy or girl in your school or college, who was undeniably good-looking, inexplicably popular, and always in-demand with the opposite gender? Everyone in your class was probably convinced that he or she would be the first to get married, based on the number of proposals that came their way throughout high school and college.

I can think of at least two such girls I was acquainted with back in my student days, who were unanimously considered the most desirable for marriage among our lot, and the rest of us girls presumed, sighing with wishful, self-depreciating conviction, that they’d be the first to tie the knot.

Yet, that didn’t happen. As the years passed, the bitter disappointment that these ‘alpha’ young women felt about their continuing single status was exacerbated by the fact that many of their peers who were considered apparently less attractive and “worthy” than them got married first, and that too to decent, nice men who kept them happy.

The wisdom behind this decree? By the time these good-lookers actually did tie the knot, they were much more humble and less full of themselves. A welcome landing back down on earth! The lesson that we all can learn from this apparent disparity in cause-and-effect.

A delay in marriage increases one’s humility, and makes one more down-to-earth and approachable by others. It also ensures that one constantly keeps turning to Allah in earnest du’as - which is something that Allah loves about His slaves!

Conclusion: Blessings Received after Hardship Are Cherished More
The more one waits for, works hard for, and remains patient for acquiring a blessing, the more one cherishes it after one receives it.


The fatally ill person who gets miraculously cured will live cautiously once he becomes healthy. The pauper will spend his money wisely once he becomes wealthy. The child deprived of education will value knowledge more when he grows up. So, too, will the older single person cherish their marriage, spouse and children more, once they get married and by then these precious blessings will be so much more worth the wait!

What's in a Name??

As Salaamu Alaikum Dear Readers

Whilst expecting and awaiting the arrival for our gift from Allah (swt), we were beseeched by several family member and friend on naming.

After reading the below article I thought it fit to share some advice:

http://the-toast.net/2014/01/15/the-names-they-gave-me/

The expectant mother…advice to her

It is irrefutable that the mother’s proper nourishment has telling effect on the health of the yet-to-bo-born child. In the like manner, the spiritual nourishment of the mother is no less important. If the mother is desirous of an obedient, pious and spiritually healthy child-and which Muslim parent isn’t? – she has no choice but to think and act in a manner which will manifest the luminous spirit of Islam. She will have to spend much time offering her devotions to Allah by performing salaat, making dhikr, reciting the Holy Quraan etc. This will have a two-fold result: the mother will remain spiritually and mentally healthy and at the same time the child will be inheriting piety, good manners and many other angelic qualities - Inshallah.

It is no wonder then that these angelic qualities are often manifested in the infancy of many a great personality. It is said of some Auliyaa-Allah that they were born with certain portions of the Holy Quraan already imprinted in their memory. Others even refused to drink the milk of their mother during the holy month of Ramadaan.

I read this authentic incident mentioned in the Bukhari and Muslim to substantiate that the acts of virtue of parents certainly have positive effects on their progenies for generations to come.

 

It is after reading this story and the virtures of this courageous lady I named my daughter: Umm Sulaym and Abu Talhah were married. Anas (RA), her son, were pleased and the Muslims would say: “We have never yet heard of a mahr that was more valuable and precious than that of Umm Sulaym for she made Islam her mahr.” Aboo Talhah (RA), a companion of Rasoolullah (Sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) had a son who had fallen gravely ill. During that period the father had to leave home for a number of days on an important errand, leaving the child to the care of the mother. Whilst away, the sickness caused the death of the child.

The mother beseeched the people not to inform her husband even when he returned. When he returned his very first enquiry was about his son. When answered that he (their son) is presently in a more comfortable state than that which he had been in… meaning that death had rendered him peace and comfort. By this answer the husband understood that he had recuperated. She then offered him his supper which he ate with relish. The good wife then even adorned herself as best she could which filled him with passionate feelings. When she saw that his needs had been tended to then only did she disclose to him the death of their son. This stark news proved a severe blow to him. He was annoyed and overcome with intense grief… that she had not disclosed to him the child’s fate earlier, and, instead allowed him to perform an act which necessitates ghusl.

At daybreak he approached Rasoolullah (Sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) and related to him what had transpired during the night. Rasoolullah (Sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) intently asked him whether they had copulated. When he answered in the affirmative, he blessed them by saying: “O Allah, grant them blessings for what had transpired during the night.” A male issue was born of them whose Tahneek was done by Rasoolullah (Sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam). He named him “Abdullah”. When Abdullah grew up and married, Allah Ta’ala blessed him with nine children, all of whom became huffaaz of the Holy Quraan and leaned Ulamaa of their time. This overwhelming attainment can only be attributed to the acts of virtue of the grand-mother of these ulamaa.

 

Umm Sulaym was a model Muslim, a model wife and mother. Her belief in Allah was strong and uncompromising. She was not prepared to endanger her faith and the upbringing of her children for wealth and luxury, however abundant and tempting.

She was devoted to the Rasoolullah (Sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) and dedicated her son Anas (RA) to his service. She took the responsibility of educating her children and she played an active part in public life, sharing with the other Muslims the hardships and the joys of building a community and living for the pleasure of Allah.

It becomes apparent from the above incident that acts of virtue of parents not only have a telling effect on their children but also on their progeny's for generations to come.

 

It comes as no surprise that the Rasoolullah (Sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) gave her the glad tidings that she would enter Jannah - Paradise. In a hadith reported by Bukhari, Muslim and others from Jabir ibn Abdullah (Radhiyallu anhu), he told her: “ I saw myself in a dream entering Paradise, and suddenly I saw Al-Rumaysa bint Milhan, the wife of Abu Talhah"  (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3679).

 

Rasoolullah (Sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) conferred the title of Damsel of Jannah upon her.