An Address to Young Girls (Part 4)

Emulating the Elders​

“A Muslimah’s Guide to Living a Blissful Life” 

My dear daughters! Carefully observe your elders and learn intelligence from them. Strive to become like them and imbibe modesty, bashfulness, intelligence and wisdom. By doing this, you will attain success and prosperity in this world and the next. Furthermore, you will lead a life of respect, happiness and dignity.

Until good and bad examples are not placed before you and a comparison is made between them, you will not gain a true understanding. Similarly, until you are not given a complete description of how things were in the past, and the manner in which people of the past lived, interacted and socialized, and how they educated and raised their children, and until the mannerisms and ways of the young girls of those times is not clearly outlined before you, you will never understand and will not be able to instil those qualities within yourself that are in actual fact the essence of being a civilized human being. Likewise, you will be unable to correct your weaknesses (and improve your character). 

Do you know what priceless gems are lacking in your life, what beneficial qualities and aspects you remain deprived of and which virtues you are bereft of? No, you have no idea (of what you lack)! The reason for this is that you are absolutely inexperienced (and naive), and you have not enjoyed the good effects of anyone’s teaching and upbringing. So much so, that you cannot even determine whether your own parents are pleased with you or not.

An Address to Young Girls (Part 3)​

“A Muslimah’s Guide to Living a Blissful Life” 

Service and Obedience to Parents

- Serve your parents in an excellent and exemplary manner.

- Ensure that they are not inconvenienced at any time.

- When cooking for them, prepare the dishes that they enjoy eating and serve them their meals on time.

- When they tell you something then listen attentively and accept it wholeheartedly.

- If they are busy or engaged in some activity, then do not disturb them.

- If they have the habit of eating or drinking something at a particular time (e.g. tea or coffee), then prepare it for them and serve it to them at that time.

- Refrain from repeating the same thing to them over and over (e.g. nagging them).

- Pack their clothing away for them neatly and correctly. If they need to change their clothing (e.g. if it became messed), immediately bring them clean clothing. See to it that soap, towels, etc. are all available and ready to use.

- Keep their beds and their places (where they normally sit) clean and tidy.

- Do not ever become upset or frustrated with them.

- Remain present at their beck and call.

- If you do happen to become upset at some point, then do not glare at them (and ‘pull up’ your face). Always remember the difficulties and hardships that they underwent for your sake.

- Continue fulfilling their wishes through your homemaking skills (e.g. cooking, sewing, baking, etc).

- Never make them feel as if they are obliged and indebted to you.

- Fulfil your needs and complete your tasks on your own (without anyone helping you).

- Always keep certain basic and essential items on-hand, e.g. a notepad, pen, needle, thread, silk, etc.[1] If you have all these essential items kept in readiness, you may consider yourself as (organized and) capable, otherwise not.

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[1] NB: ‘Essential items’ may differ from place to place and era to era.

Obedience To One’s Deceased Parents

Obedience To One’s Deceased Parents

Sayyiduna Abu Usaid Malik bin Rabi'ah As-Sa'idi Radhiyallahu Anhu reports: We were sitting with Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam when a man of Banu Salamah came to him and asked, "O Messenger of Allah! Does there remain any form of obedience which I may show to my parents after their death?" He Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam replied, "Yes, to pray for them, to supplicate for their forgiveness, to fulfill their promises after their death, to maintain the ties of kinship which cannot be maintained except through them, and honour their friends." [Abu Dawud]

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 When a parent passes away remember that you have begun a new phase of birr (dutifulness) to that parent. 

Birr after death is the truest and most sincere forms of birr because birr during their lifetime could be tainted with doing for show, or being polite (as opposed to sincere) and expecting praise from the parents or others. As for after their death, then only Allah hears and sees you. 

A deceased parent is in greater need of his/her children - even more than when the parent was alive. What children do for the parents during the parent's lifetime is for the worldly needs. 

But after death only Allah knows what good and bad is in store for the deceased in the grave.

Dua'a for rahmah (mercy) and asking Allah to shower the deceased with His mercy is invaluable for the deceased.

Through the child's Dua,  Allah - through His grace and mercy - enlightens the grave removing the darkness and expands  the grave thus removing the suffering. And Allah makes the grave a garden from the gardens of Paradise.

Therefore, always remember your deceased parent/s, and always ask Allah to shower them with His mercy, enlighten their grave and expand it.

For example as you are about have a meal, think about the many wonderful meals your mother had prepared for you and how she took care of you all your life. Your heart will surely soften and at that point, let it drive you to offer a similar meal to an orphan, widow, divorced or needy person on behalf of your deceased parent/s and asking of Allah to reward them for it. Give charity on their behalf, recalling the many favours they did for you.

Never forget parents. Irrespective of how harsh they may have been with you, only Allah knows the love they had in their hearts for you. 

Give charity on their behalf privately, wipe away the tears of orphans, widows and divorced (through charity) on behalf of your parents, quench the thirst of the thirsty on their behalf. (for example by having a well dug.) 

Go out of your way to be the best child to your parents for they have sacrificed much to raise you.

This is the Dua'a mentioned in the Quran for one’s parents:

رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

Rabb-ir-ham-huma kama rabbayaani sagheera

Translation: 

My Lord, Bestow thy mercy on my parent/s as they cherished and raised me in my childhood.

Lastly, let us teach our children this Dua'a for one day we all shall also need it.

Every Mum should read this!

Mummy’s boy, you are now a man.

Tomorrow you will have a new mother, a new cook and a new person to share all your secrets with. It will no longer be me but her. 

Love your new mum even more than you love me. Before you walk into her arms forever, let me give you some words to guide you.

There was a day I was arguing with your father. We were screaming, Tempers were high. I was angry and He was angry. Then I called him an idiot! He was shocked. He looked at me asking how dare I call him that, immediately started calling him idiot, fool, stupid, crazy, I called him all sort of name.

Guess what he did? He didn’t raise his hands to hit me. He just walked away, banging the door as he went out.

My Son, If your father had hit me and destroyed my eyes, how will you feel sitting here with me today? How will you regard him as your father?

Would you have been proud of him or would you be blaming me for calling him names?
*Never hit your wife! No matter the provocation just walk away and things will be normal.

Whenever she offends you, think of this story I just told you, it could have been your mum!*
After he left, I was filled with guilt. We slept on same bed that night and I went to him the next day. 

I pleaded with him, I did all I could to show am sorry and he forgave me. That day I cooked his favourite food. After that day, I never called him names, my respect for him was ten times stronger.

There is something very important you must always do, my son listen very carefully, defend your wife. When she is under pressure, stand by her. If your friends hates her, it is your duty to make them see her as a Queen. Your Uncle, I mean Uncle Yusuf, never liked me. But your father was always supportive until his perception changed.

There was a day your Father was going to host the owner of his company and friends. They were three of them. That day I was in the kitchen cooking for them and your father went to buy drinks.
When the table was set and food was served. Everyone started eating. Then Iremembered I did not add salt in the food. I was embarrassed. 

Your father tasted the food and looked at me. He immediately turned to the guests. He told them that he instructed his wife last month not to add salt whenever she is cooking because of some problem with his body.

He said it in a funny way and everyone laughed! The guests understood and he asked me to bring salt and everyone added according to their taste. He managed to eat the food without salt.
After the guest left, he went on his knees and asked God to forgive him for lying.

Your wife is like a baby, sometimes she don’t know what to say or do. Stand up and speak for her! Sometimes, read your wife and understand her. Make it a habit to go anywhere with your wife. Beside your job, move around with her. If anyone invite you to his house and told you not to come with your wife then be very careful.

Use wisdom…I know you love mummy… I know you will tell me all your problems. But now things will be different. Let your wife be the first to know before me. Let her be the first to see before me. When you have problems with her don’t run to me immediately.  Wait for a day to pass and then talk to her about it. Pray about it.

Report her to nobody but talk issues out within yourself. Finally, don’t forget to come and visit me with your wife every month! I know you will have a happy home. 

You will always be mummy’s boy. 

Love Mummy

PS I did not write this, if any one knows who did please let me know so I can credit the author appropriately, plagiarism is an offense to any writer and I wish to give due where it is needed

 

The Debt that can Never be Repaid

‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) was once performing tawaaf when he saw a man from Yemen who was carrying his mother on his back in tawaaf. As the man carried her, he was uttering the following words of poetry: I am her subservient camel Although her conveyance may frighten and worry her, I will never cause her concern Though I am carrying her (on my back), the period for which she carried me (in her womb) was longer The man thereafter turned to Ibnu ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) and asked, “Have I fulfilled the right of my mother (by carrying her in tawaaf)?” Ibnu ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) replied, “No! In fact, you have not even repaid her for one gasp she emitted (due to the pain of labor).” (Shu‘abul Imaan #7550) The son of Husain (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), ‘Ali bin Husain (rahimahullah), who was also known as Zainul ‘Aabideen (rahimahullah), was once asked, “You are a person who always ensures that he is obedient to his parents. Why is it that you then refrain from eating out of one utensil with your mother?” Zainul ‘Aabideen (rahimahullah) replied, “I fear that my hand will reach for a morsel of food whereas my mother’s gaze may have fallen on it and she may have wished it for herself. If I have to take a morsel which my mother wished for herself, I will be regarded as a disobedient son.” (‘Uyoonul Akhbaar vol. 3 pg. 97)        Lessons: 1. When the kindness and favor of the mother is such that it can never be repaid, then how shameless indeed is the person who causes his mother inconvenience! 2. Inconvenience to mothers can be caused in many ways; physical, mental, emotional, etc. The pious people of the past would exercise such caution in this regard, that they refrained from any action that could, in even the slightest manner, cause their parents disappointment. 3. When we are unable to repay our parents for their kindness, we should never ever make them feel that our service to them in their old age is a burden and a favor to them. Rather, always make them feel as if you are honored to have the chance to serve them.

The Debt that can Never be Repaid

‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) was once performing tawaaf when he saw a man from Yemen who was carrying his mother on his back in tawaaf. As the man carried her, he was uttering the following words of poetry: I am her subservient camel Although her conveyance may frighten and worry her, I will never cause her concern Though I am carrying her (on my back), the period for which she carried me (in her womb) was longer The man thereafter turned to Ibnu ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) and asked, “Have I fulfilled the right of my mother (by carrying her in tawaaf)?” Ibnu ‘Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) replied, “No! In fact, you have not even repaid her for one gasp she emitted (due to the pain of labor).” (Shu‘abul Imaan #7550) The son of Husain (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), ‘Ali bin Husain (rahimahullah), who was also known as Zainul ‘Aabideen (rahimahullah), was once asked, “You are a person who always ensures that he is obedient to his parents. Why is it that you then refrain from eating out of one utensil with your mother?” Zainul ‘Aabideen (rahimahullah) replied, “I fear that my hand will reach for a morsel of food whereas my mother’s gaze may have fallen on it and she may have wished it for herself. If I have to take a morsel which my mother wished for herself, I will be regarded as a disobedient son.” (‘Uyoonul Akhbaar vol. 3 pg. 97)        Lessons: 1. When the kindness and favor of the mother is such that it can never be repaid, then how shameless indeed is the person who causes his mother inconvenience! 2. Inconvenience to mothers can be caused in many ways; physical, mental, emotional, etc. The pious people of the past would exercise such caution in this regard, that they refrained from any action that could, in even the slightest manner, cause their parents disappointment. 3. When we are unable to repay our parents for their kindness, we should never ever make them feel that our service to them in their old age is a burden and a favor to them. Rather, always make them feel as if you are honored to have the chance to serve them.

Words… can be deadly weapons

In all probability at some point in our childhood we were told by our parents, ‘sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will hurt us none’, or something similar. Our well-meaning parents would usually have said this in response to someone at school or our siblings saying something mean to us. It was probably their way of getting us to cope with the verbal assault. In all likelihood some people actually believe the ‘but words will hurt us none’ part. Words are one of the most devastating weapons yet devised by man. They kill in many different ways. We’ve all heard term ‘emotional abuse’. But what is it? Simply put, it is when a husband, wife, parent or so-called loved ones uses words to slowly, but inevitable, grind away at a person’s self esteem until there is little left. Even in ‘normal’ relationships, the words couples sometimes use when speaking to each other is surprising. These are devoid of respect and designed to cause maximum hurt instead of seeking solutions to problems. In the absence of mutual respect, a relationship is almost certainly doomed. When one hears parents talk in that way to each other, one can well imagine how they must be talking to their children. It is at this level that the most damage can be caused. Many people who experience relationship turmoil in adulthood trace back to something hurtful said to them repeatedly as children by parents, caregivers or teachers. For example, a health professional spoke of a patient who as a child was clumsy due to late development of his gross motor control. Nothing that a few sessions with an occupational therapist could have fix the problem. Instead, he had to endure years of being called “butterfingers”, “what’s wrong with you?” “Don’t give him anything to carry, he will just break it”. As he grew up, his confidence in his ability to do anything new was completely shattered. How often do we call our children “stupid”, “useless”, “good” for nothing”, and nuisance”, “pain in the back” “and how often do we say “if you do that again, I’m going to kill you”. Sometimes parents tell their children that if they misbehave it will make mummy or daddy sick; and then, purely coincidentally, the parent gets sick and dies. Can you imagine the guilt that child then feels for the rest of this life? Teachers, of course, can inflict massive harm on a child’s growth by the words they use to address their pupils - “domkop”, “fool”, “idiot”, and “you won’t amount to anything”. If someone hears these words often enough, they may start to internalise it, believe it and live it. It is imperative that we all reflect on what we say to our loved ones. Many a time we speak without realising the long term consequences of what we say.

Let us strive to treat our loved ones with love and respect, Aameen

A Daughter's Dua'a

A Daughter's Dua'a

My mother nurtured me to be strong and beautiful inside out, just like the roots of a flower, when I sway help me to stand firm again.

My father disciplined me to be a principled valued member of society. When I feel like my integrity is being questioned or trampled upon, help me to rise again and stand tall.

My mother taught me the art of sharing and the etiquette of caring, when I feel cold in my heart, help me to share and care again let warmth radiate through.

My father placed his protective hand over my head when fear gripped me and gave me courage to face those fears. When I feel scared to stand up for justice strengthen the impediment in my speech and clear the thick cloud of doubt that may surround me.

My mother thought me to love with each beat of my heart; she loved me unconditionally even when I acted like a little monster. When I attempt to instill goodness and love in children, help me to show them the right way.

My mother, my father - Unqualified teachers,
Who taught me the value of life...

Shukran to Allah (swt) for blessing me with you both...For the ocean of knowledge you have shaed with me is invaluable - I am proud to be your student!

Have I Given Up as a Parent?

Have I Given Up as a Parent?

 

Many parents nowadays have a common concern & complaint - they cannot speak to their children anymore. If they do try to speak to them, it ends up in a fight or argument. Thus most parents today have simply given up. However to “give up” is to abandon one’s duty & responsibility as a parent. To make an effort on our child is our duty. This is within our control. However the fruits of our efforts, that the child becomes rightly guided, depends on the command of اللَّهُ Subhana Ta'ala. & this is definitely not within our control.

 

Since we have become so absorbed in wanting to see the fruits of our efforts, we have as a result given up the effort itself which was within our control.

 

We must continue to encourage &  advise our children. We should also constantly make duaa  for them & beseech اللَّهُ Subhana T'ala thus:

 

“Oh Allah Ta’ala, You alone can guide & safeguard my child against the trials & challenges of the day.”

 

Let us be positive by looking at the power of اللَّهُ Subhana Ta'ala & not be negative by looking at our own weaknesses.

 

May اللَّهُ Subhana Ta'ala guide our children on the Siraatul Mustaqeem & help us as parents to bring up our kids on Quraan & Sunnah.  

 

DUA FOR OUR CHILDREN & SPOUSES 

 

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

 

Rabbana Hablana min azwaajina wa zurriy-yatina, qurrata ‘a'- yunin waj alna lil-muttaqeena Imaama  

 

Translation: O my Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous [Qur'aan 25:74]

My Quraan Cover - A Story worth Reading & Sharing

Ask our children: 1. If there are poor people around us, how should we treat them? 2. If we really want something, who should we turn to? Now tell them the story: Tasmiyah was an intelligent little girl who loved going to madrasah. She was in grade three and her favourite subject was Quraan. She loved reading the Quraan and she was a good reciter as well. Everything was so cheerful and joyful in her life. However there was only one thing that made her sad – her Quraan had no cover on it. She really wanted to cover it. In fact it was the only thing she wished for. Tasmiyah’s mother tried very hard to save up in order to buy one, but it was so hard to do so with the small income that came into the home. Tasmiyah had lost her father a few days after she was born. He was a passionate lover of the Quraan and passed away whilst reciting the Quraan. He left the world, but his passion for the Quraan continued to live in the heart of his one and only daughter, Tasmiyah. One day in madrasah, when all the children went out for the break, Tasmiyah decided to remain in the classroom. As she sat in her place and read her Quraan, her eyes suddenly fell on Shaakirah’s Quraan cover. It was a very simple, yet a beautiful cover. Tasmiyah’s desire to have a Quraan cover of her own now only increased. She could not hold herself back anymore. So she got up from her place and walked towards Shaakirah’s place. As she came closer, the cover just seemed to look more and more beautiful. She could not resist. She stretched out her little hand and with her soft finger tips felt the fabric of the Quraan cover. Just then Shaakirah walked in, and with eyes burning in anger she shouted out, “How dare you touch my Quraan cover with your dirty and oily hands!” What Shaakirah did not know was that Tasmiyah did not eat any lunch during the break that day. There was absolutely no food in the home that morning. Tasmiyah was all shaken up in fear and just stood there in silence. This made Shaakirah even more angry and she continued to shout at Tasmiyah until she asked Tasmiyah that one heart breaking question, “Why don’t you ask your father to buy your own Quraan cover?” Just then the rest of the children came back to the class. Tasmiyah went quietly and sat in her place. By now her heart was bursting inside with tears and her stomach was empty of even a morsel of food. But she was a strong girl. She told no one and complained to no one. That night as she lay down beside her mother, she asked, “Mother! Did father have to leave us so quickly and with nothing to live on?” The mother tried to explain to Tasmiyah, “My dear daughter, everything happens according to the beautiful plan of Allah. Allah tests some people by giving them everything they desire and others by not fulfilling any of their desires. In this temporary world we should remain thankful and patient and never lose hope in Allah.” Tasmiyah innocently interrupted, “Mummy! I fully understand and I do accept, but mummy please don’t forget, do ask Allah to please give me my own Quraan cover.” A few tears rolled down their eyes, as both mother and daughter fell off to sleep. The very next morning, there was a surprise visitor at the door. It was Shaakirah’s mother. She learned of what happened in class the previous day. So she sewed the most beautiful Quraan cover specially for little Tasmiyah. Tasmiyah’s face lit up and she immediately remarked, “Mummy! I knew Allah Ta‘ala will answer our du‘aa. But right now Allah Ta‘ala is testing me as to what I am going to do after He has fulfilled my desire.” Lessons:  1. There is wisdom and goodness in everything that Allah Ta‘ala does for us. We need to be grateful, patient and not lose hope in the perfect planning of Allah Ta‘ala. 2. We must think carefully before we say or do anything with regard to others. We have no idea how a careless, seemingly innocent remark or action may break a poor person’s heart. We should always put ourselves first in the next person’s shoes and ask, “How would I feel in his/her place if the same treatment was given to me???”

Parenting the Islamic Way (Fanfold)

Salaams,

 

I received this by way of mail (courtsey uswatulmuslimah.co.za <info@uswatulmuslimah.co.za>). I found it useful and excellent way of rearing children in the correct manner.

 

 

Who is the Sacrifice?

Who is the Sacrifice?

Yesterday, Ebrahim Alayhis Salaam stood ready, with knife in hand, to sacrifice his only child to secure Allah's pleasure. Today, we sacrifice every command of Allah for the happiness of our kids.

 

Affluenza! Affluenza is a term that describes a mental illness that develops in a child by a parent's excessive molly coddling which translates into reckless behaviour and an inability to understand the consequences of one's actions. This very condition was used in the recent defence of a 16 year old American youth who while drunk and stealing his father's vehicle killed four people and injured twelve others in a horrific collision.

 

While the prosecution was pushing for a 20 year imprisonment, the defence mellowed the judgement down to ten years in a psychiatric facility. The defence argued that due to the pampered lifestyle afforded to him by his wealthy parents who gave him everything and never set any limits, the teenager never learned that he was responsible for his actions and that his actions have consequences. Hence, he was not fully responsible for his actions.

 

This type of mentality surely rings a bell when one considers many of the youth in our own community. Many are the parents who instead of parenting the child, dote on his/her every wish and encourage a lifestyle of indulgence. Flashy cell phones are given to kids still in primary school, expensive vehicles as soon as they can drive and plentiful cash to throw around. If the kids get into trouble, even if they are at fault,  the parents throw their power and influence around so that he/she gets away scot-free, instead of using such opportunities to teach the kids responsibility. One wonders if these parents realise that they are sowing the seeds of destruction for those they love the most.

 

The following Hadith imparts a most powerful lesson, “Whoever seeks Allah's Pleasure at the expense of the people's displeasure, will win Allah's Pleasure and Allah will then cause the people to be pleased with him. And whoever seeks to please others at the expense of Allah's Displeasure, will draw the Displeasure of Allah and Allah will then cause the people to be displeased with him." (Ibn Hibban)

 

Is it then any surprise, that the very kids that were doted upon later become their parents’ greatest nightmares causing untold pain and grief? The time of Qurbani should be a moment of deep reflection in the upbringing of our kids. Yesterday, Ebrahim Alayhis Salaam stood ready, with knife in hand, to sacrifice his only child to secure Allah's pleasure. Today, we sacrifice every command of Allah for the happiness of our kids.

 

The Hadith teaches us, “No father has given his child a gift better than good character.”(Tirmizi)

Unfortunately for many, the idea of gifts have been restricted to objects of material value, yet the Hadith, time and again, informs us that real wealth is the wealth of the soul. Have we not witnessed, with our very eyes, people whose monetary value is in the millions but who are valueless as human beings? It is hard to imagine that loving parents would wish the same internal bankruptcy for their kids. Reality is sometimes stranger than fantasy.

 

This year when we put the knife on the animal's throat that we sacrifice to please Allah, reflect on the rest of your life. Are we sacrificing for Allah or are we sacrificing  Allah for others?

 

Jamiatul Ulama (KZN)
Council of Muslim Theologians

 

Mightier than a Missile

Mightier than a Missile By Moulana Khalid Dhorat When the Americans dropped a small 10-kiloton nuclear bomb in the August of 1945 on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, 66 000 people died instantly. A huge fireball was seen, 1000 times more intense than lightning, and people up to 10 km’s away were permanently blinded by just witnessing it. The clothing of some as far as 15 km’s away, caught fire; whilst many were burnt beyond recognition within five km’s of ground zero. The windows of homes 20 km’s away were shattered whilst those nearer were completely destroyed by the gale-force nuclear winds travelling up to 600 km’s per hour. None could escape. If all the superpowers of the world were to drop their nuclear bombs now on the world, the living world – the people, animals, plant and marine life – will come to an end within seconds. Mountains will be flattened and due to the intense radiation, life will not revive for a few centuries thereafter. The world will resort back to the ice ages. Many people mistakenly believe that there is nothing more deadly than a nuclear missile, but there is one thing more deadly - the displeasure and curse of your mother. Sacrifice of a Mother Think of your beloved mother sitting on a hard stool, slowly sipping cold tea from a chipped cup in a gloomy old-age home. Her heater is switched on in summer too, but the bars are so worn out that it produces no heat. Her favourite item of comfort is a quilt that she inherited from her own mother 50 years ago; and of course her plastic pill-box, which is always filled by the nurses daily. Sadly, she moved out of her son’s house just one year after her husband passed away, not because she was chased out, but because she felt that she wouldn’t be a burden to any of her children who could now go on holiday at any time without worrying about her wheelchair and medication. Now let us go 40 years back when this same mother was expecting you. Did she think that you would be a burden to her, having to feed you, burp you, and then also change your stinky nappies!!! Did she think about dropping you in a trash can because you would vomit at any time on her designer carpet? Did she reason that having a baby would spoil her hourglass figure, and she wouldn’t be able to fit in her favourite jeans after that? The fact that our mothers bore all these difficulties with love and patience is enough to make us her captive for life. Ponder on the fact that upon birth, there was a cozy blanket awaiting your arrival in the cold world; but even before this, your mother carried you within three levels of comfort: in her tummy, in her womb and within her fluids wherein you could move and frolic freely. The umbilical cord connected you to her, nourishing you, like an invisible comforting hand, until you were delivered in a death-like pain in this world. After delivering you, your mother had to sacrifice the comfort of her home and go to her mother’s place to ensure that you were properly cared for. She happily nursed you, sleeping only when you slept and eating only when you ate. She rubbed ointment on your rear due to your nappy rash, but didn’t bother about the stretch marks on her own tummy. She sacrificed her favorite biryaani because the masoor – those small brown balls – would’ve given you wind, and she made sure you had 10 pairs of clothing at any given time whilst her slipper needed upgrading eight years ago. When she felt dizzy or when her blood pressure rose, she couldn’t even take medication because the medicine could have affected the milk she fed you. In fact, no amount of words can do justice to the selfless love and sacrifice of a mother to the degree that even if she were to give birth to a snake, she wouldn’t abandon it. A person asked our Holy Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) if he would fulfill the rights of his mother if he carried her from Madeenah Munawwarah to Makkah Mukarramah for Hajj and back and the answer he received blew his socks off: “This action wouldn’t even suffice for one sip of milk she nursed you with.” Sadly, today we are witnessing the return of the Muslim old-age home, and more sadly, our parents actually see it as a solution to their problems. A Different Relationship Due to the supreme sacrifice of a mother, our relationship with her is not like other relationships. If we have a “give and take” policy with our partner, or a tolerant attitude with our neighbour, an attitude of respect with our teacher, or a habit of overlooking the faults of our children, then to our mother, it is about not saying even “oof” or “aagh” to her. It is not about merely obeying her, but about pleasing her and making her as comfortable as possible. It’s about making her your priority in life and to carry out whatever she tells you, unless it is wrong or in matters of clear disobedience to the Creator. In short, it’s a relationship of blind love. Our noble Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) prophesized that a distressing time will come when people will listen to their wives, and disobey their mother. In fact, some of our youngsters start their journey of rudeness to their mother from their teen years already, breaking her heart over and over again, until when they marry, she becomes just a burden in their life. The tragedy of the modern day is that if we demand from our parents, especially our mothers, items that they cannot provide, they are no good to us anymore. If they cannot fund our weekend outings, upgrade our wardrobe with the latest trends, and send us on holiday, they are useless. She is treated like a piece of furniture, whose purpose in life is just to put a plate of food on the supper table and make sure the laundry is done. She is nothing but a glorified maid. Conversely, if our mothers were to attach a price for her service to her children, a solid gold bar per day in payment until the end of our lives, would be insufficient. Consequence of Disobedience Whatever a parent does for their children is done from the heart. So, if they pray for the happiness and success of their children, it will be from the heart. According to a hadeeth, it is highly unlikely that a sincere prayer for a parent in favour of their children will go unanswered. So, your success in this world and the next depends on how happy you keep your parents – not only as a carefree child, but as an adult saddled with all the responsibilities of life. Obedient children will be successful in life, whilst disobedient children will never be successful. Many people in society, when asked about the reason for their success in life, will attribute it to one thing only: the prayers of their parents. Indeed, fortunate children simply die for those moments wherein they feel the air of paradise on their face – the time when heartfelt prayers emanate from the lips of their parents. This does not mean that we should obey our parents in a way that we trample on the rights of others – like our spouse – but it should be done in a sensible way. Making obedience to parents a pretext to undermine our duty to others is a hallmark of our ignorance and our cunning ability of using “religious blackmail” to shirk our duty. Sometimes parents even make use of this “religious blackmail” to influence their children against their partners. Sayyiduna ‘Alqamah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) was a sahaabi known for his piety, but he was unable to recite the shahaadah (testimony of faith) on his death-bed. It was learnt that the reason for this was that his mother was displeased with him on some account. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) ordered that a huge pile of wood be gathered and ‘Alqamah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) be burnt alive therein before his actual death. When his mother who refused to forgive him at the time, learnt of this, she exclaimed: “How can my son be burnt!!” She was told that if she didn’t forgive him, he would be burnt in any case in the Hereafter. The sight of the firewood was enough to stir her sympathy, and she forgave her son. Just then, ‘Alqamah’s tongue was released, he recited the shahaadah and he passed into the mercy of the Almighty. The displeasure of ‘Alqamah’s (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) mother was more deadly than a nuclear bomb. A nuclear bomb would’ve wiped you off the face of this earth and that would be the end, but the displeasure of your mother would ensure your eternal damnation. People who didn’t make peace with their parents before they died have a pain in their heart that can never be settled; whilst those who lost their parents whilst on good terms with them will testify that a huge chunk of blessings that they witnessed during their lifetime was also lost forever. Conclusion A mother remains a mother, not until you can walk on your own or feed yourself; but until your death. She worries for you more than herself, and then repeats the cycle all over again with her grandchildren. So, it is natural that if someone sacrifices their entire life for you, you need to sacrifice yours for them. The Almighty demands this level of obedience and respect to our parents, anything less is regarded as selfishness and a deficiency in our duty to them. Due to old age, many parents start acting childishly and may be stubborn in their ways, but remember if they could put up with your childish ways and stubbornness when you were in nappies, you need to patiently tolerate them if they are in nappies now. This is the test of your devotion – a test which you cannot afford to fail. Never let them feel unwanted in your home. Rather smile at them as they take an awkward step back and forth, for a loving smile at ones parents is equivalent to an accepted hajj and ‘umrah according to a hadeeth. So go on. Give your parents a huge hug and a smile today and every day after this. Overlook their mistakes and earn paradise the easy way through them.